Tuesday, July 13, 2010

" I am his completely & he is mine"

With all of these other focuses in my life, including other people & particularly my daughter, I am still very much in love with Beloved.  I absolutely adore him.  I get gooey inside, when he walks into the room.  I love the way he loves me.  I love the way he tolerates me.

From time to time, as all people do, I fantasize about a different life, perhaps one that does not included Beloved.  However, the moment I touch him, I am his completely & he is mine.

P, the New Toy

I have started "hanging out" with a co-worker.  He is interested in the relationship becoming romantic & sexual.  I am not, because he smokes.  I refuse to have any intimacy with smokers, because their body fluids, including semen, tastes like shit.  I absolutely LOVE semen & being somewhat of a connoisseur, refuse to have my favorite elixir tainted with the horrible taste of smoke.

I have explained all of this to P & he says he understands, although he has continued to "hang out" with me, when our schedules match, which has been rarely until now.
Later in the month, we, along with 50 other co-workers with be attending an industry event out of town for several weeks.  P & Q, my favorite sex partner, will be attending the event in it's entirety, although I will only be attending the beginning & the end.

Here is where things will get interesting.  The owner of the company has said he will provide hotel rooms or give a stipend for those who are travelling from their home daily, but only counting the nights in between the days we are working.  If we decide to let a hotel room be giving to us, we will probably have a roommate.

I wanted to come down to the event the night before, rather than driving for two hours & then going on to work for ten hours in the same day.  Under that circumstance, I would not be given a free room.  In passing I chatted with P about it.

The text conversation went like this:

P:  How about u come down to the event early and I'll show you assertive and direct...elg

Me:  How early?

P:  I'm getting a room on the 15th

Me:  With a roommate?

P:  No.

Me:  No?  You are not being given a room?  What about the other nights?

P:  I don't do roommates, while traveling.

Me:  You are paying for your own hotel room for the entire event?

P:  Yes

Me:  That is friggin insane, but nice.

P:  Not really.  So, yes.  If you want to come down early...

Me:  Yes, I would like to stay with you the evening of the 18th.   I am being given a room the rest of my stay.

P:  I would like you as a pillow mate for the entire event.

Me:  Must be a specific reason you prefer not to have a roommates, if you are willing to pay to be alone.  I do not want to be disrespectful of your parameters.

P:  I want you in my parameter...direct enough?

Me:  Jeebus, okay.  I will consider it.  I don't want something wonky to happen and me end up not having a room.

P:  The only wonky thing between us is my schedule, something I need to change.  Would like to get to know you a lot more.  I think we are quite compatible.

So there you are.  Beloved knows everything & his comment is "There will be whimpering", on P's behalf.  I cannot imagine how bonkers it will make P to have me  in his hotel room, with no sexual contact.  I do have to admit, I take a great deal of joy in the power I seem to have over P.  Hell, I take a great deal of delight in the power I have over most boys... 

Boinking Q

I hope to have a purely sexual relationship with Q again, considering I have not been with him intimately for several months.  Q is by far my favorite sexual partner, as Beloved well knows.  We have tried to have a romantic relationship.  However, it always fails.  So, rather than trying to convince him otherwise, I decided to be completely honest with him, saying that I realized that our perfection was created in giving each other orgasms, rather than in anything emotional.  He seems to have agreed, being very interested in having sex with me on a regular basis again.  Our first opportunity will take place this month, when we both have to travel out of town for an industry event.

I think I am approaching this relationship for one of two reasons or perhaps a bit of both.  I think I genuinely miss Q.  I also think since Beloved is focused on two other women, it's now my turn to focus on someone besides him.  I am very happy with my decision & do not feel any regrets.

F Departs

F, the former 20-year-old girlfriend of Beloved, is moving to the other coast in less than a month.  She will no longer be working with Beloved & I will be happy, although he will not.  He is very sad, thinking about her departure & rarely discusses it.  I feel a bit guilty, knowing I have the opposite thoughts he has.  I think her departure is a long time in the making.  Because of her emotional immaturity, she was never able to become a full romantic partner to Beloved.

The relationship ended when he felt something wonky between them.  Beloved went to F. telling her he would give the relationship a break, if that's what she needed.  She agreed, but never said anything more.  She never helped him to have closure to the relationship.

In addition, she has done other emotionally immature things, such as bringing her new boyfriend to work, making Beloved feel very uncomfortable.

I am glad she is leaving.

U & the Other Woman

U, my girl crush, who moved out of state several  months ago, has a girlfriend, according to her FaceBook page.  Of course, if FaceBook says it is so, then it is official.  I must admit I am jealous.  I am not jealous of the other woman.  I am jealous of the situation.  As you may recall, I did not have sex with her, before she left, because I knew I would fall in love with her.  I would be very sad, knowing I could not be with her, with such intense emotions.
So, I am regulated to watching her life unfold on FaceBook.  I wait patiently until she returns in just under 2 years.  I miss her.

Baby & Running

BabyDaddie, the father of my 14-year-old daughter & ex-husband, has still been a failure as a father.  In the last saga, he & Baby agreed to see each other Tuesday & Thursday night for dinner.  However, he has ditched her about 50% of the time.  When Baby started to do the same, BabyDaddie did not seem to understand that he was her role model.  When I threatened to take him to court, yet again, he straightened up.

The one shining spot is that they may have made a connect in running.  Baby is getting ready to go into high school & likes to run.  BabyDaddie was a high school track star & high school track coach.  He wants to coach her too.  I am not sure how things will turn out.  He could be his usual very controlling self or perhaps he could take this opportunity to really connect with his only child.

Baby & Birth Control

Baby, my 14-year-old daughter, is now on birth control.  We went to her doctor the week of her birthday.  The nurse was very helpful in giving us advice on what prescription would be best for her.  We decided on Depro Provera, a shot taken every three months, because as a teenager, she is not very organized, nor focused enough to have to take a pill every day.  In addition, I was concerned someone would be going through her purse, perhaps for a pen, & find her birth control pills, telling her absent father.

So far, she has not had sex.  She says the first time may be on December 8th, when she celebrates her 1st year anniversary with her boyfriend, whom she has not seen since last November.  We believe she maintains this relationship, because she can say someone is her boyfriend, but because she never sees him in person, she does not need to have sex.  She also has a crush on a boy in another state, whom she only communicates with by internet & cell phone.

Beloved & O

Beloved has found another potential lover in another state.  He has been invited out of state to attend the wedding of a former student.  When he accepted the invitation, a party was created on FaceBook, in order to welcome him back to the area.  People from his past came out of the woodwork, wanting to reconnect with him, not only at the party, but also online.  One of those people was O, a former drama student of his.

O is a 24-year-old bombshell heading to graduate school overseas.  Online, & by text they have reconnect, first as a student & teacher, then on a personal level.  By coincidence, the same hotel Beloved is staying at is hosting a BDSM sex retreat on the same weekend.  He immediate registered, when he found out O would be there too!

I am very excited for him.  What 52-year-old man would not be in heaven fucking a 24-year-old girl?  On my part, I feel no jealousy at all.  I would be more cautious if she lived closer or if she was moving to the area for her continuing education.  However, neither is the case.

On a side note, O is also the former mistress of the groom whose wedding Beloved will  be attending.  She was not very kind in talking about the groom.  As a result of the conversations O & Beloved have had, Beloved said it would be difficult for him not to giggle during the ceremony!

He leaves for the wedding this weekend.