Thursday, December 2, 2010

"How about I just give that money to someone who is not financially stable?!"

I went to see my probation officer yesterday.  Because I am only on administrative probation, I see her once every 3 months for pleading guilty to profiting off an illegal business in the spring of 2008.  Unbelievably, the meetings take less than five minutes & no longer include any drug testing.

I still seem to be an odd person for her.  For example, she told me I overpaid my fine by $400 & no longer owed any money.  When I explained that I was financially stable & it was not a big deal to have $400 tied up, she laughed & said, "How about I just give that money to someone who is not financially stable?!"   Ummmm....yeah.  I should have never mentioned that.

Anyway, I no longer owe money, no longer take drug tests, & I am off probation in August of 2011.  I have decided to have a probation party & invite my probation officer, judge, arresting detective, police, prosecuting attorney, & criminal defense attorney!  After that, I plan to have my record exonerated.

It's just another chapter in my book of life.

Successful Family Therapy

I & Baby, my 14-year-old daughter, went to our family therapy appointment today.  My goal was to learn to communicate better, as many of our conversations end in tears & yelling.

After asking questions & hearing us talk, our therapist had an opinion.  She told Baby that she was not completely faultless in our issues we were having.  She pointed out to Baby that she had a tendency to interrupt people & did not accept responsibility for her actions.  I had mentioned those things to Baby several times, but as most teenagers do, she tunes me out, when she thinks I am attacking her.  It felt good to have someone else recognize those characteristics & tell Baby.

As for me, she said I needed to make sure Baby & I were on the same page, when I gave her an answer to a request she makes.  She said that many teenagers do not understand the concept of "Let me think about it", "maybe", or  "It's a possibility", because they will translate all of that into "Yes".  She said if I could not give Baby an answer immediately, I should just say, "No."  Also, when I did give an answer, I should ask Baby to repeat what I said to her, to make sure she heard my answer accurately.

Also, something both sad & interesting manifested itself in the session.  Baby said she believed that the reason I was taking my evenings off in order to be with her, after receiving her poor grades in the last semester, was to look good at our court appearance on December 20th.  That is exactly the same thing BabyDaddie told her.  So, apparently although she says she does not listen to him, he still has a negative influence over her.

I knew about the court date a full month, prior to Baby's poor grades.  Therefore, the therapist said that me changing my work hours had nothing to do with the court date.   In addition, the therapist said people change for all kinds of reasons & whether it was because of her grades or the court appearance makes no difference in the end.  The test would be whether or not I maintained my hours with Baby in the evenings, after the court appearance.

I have every intention of doing that.  In fact, I want Baby to be disappointed when I am not with her in the evenings.  To accomplish that, we are settling into a ritual that seems to be pleasant of both of us.  From 6pm to 8pm, we have quiet time.  For those two hours, we turn off all tech stuff, including cell phones & computers.  Usually, she does her homework & I make dinner.  Then, from 8pm to 10pm she retreats to her room or we watch a movie.  However, I hope to make the 8pm to 10pm timeframe even more productive by joining a gym & having her be my gym buddy, as she has mentioned wanting to do in the past.

Our therapist said she thought we needed more sessions & so we will be returning December 22nd.  Thank goodness for insurance.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Winterfire (2/18-2/21/2011)

Beloved is registering us for Dark Odyssey (  I am very excited.  We have gone to every one for the past two years & they always are wonderfully fun.  This time I am hoping the rest of the tribe will join us, including my other boyfriend, "P", & our girlfriend, "K".

Imagine a vacation where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. A wholly unique experience which brings together sexuality, spirituality, education, and play in a fun, supportive, non-judgmental, diverse environment where fantasy becomes reality.

young man passionately embracing a woman
By day, learn sexual tips and techniques to create, maintain, or revive the erotic spark in your relationship. Explore a multitude of partnering possibilities, from swinging and open relationships to threesomes and polyamory. Brush up on the basics or get hands-on experience at new BDSM skills like bondage, flogging, sensory deprivation and Dominant/submissive dynamics. Delve into a world of spiritual journeys and teachings on Earth-based spirituality, Tantra, and paganism. Find all this and more in a series of dynamic workshops from top-notch sex educators, relationship experts, BDSM masters, and spiritual teachers.

At night, a very different fun begins. Join in a wonderland of freedom as people explore the things they were taught that day. In the playspace, seasoned BDSMers and novices tease and torment their partners on beautifully crafted equipment. Spin the Wheel of Destiny and try something new at our mixers. Dance, mingle and make new friends in the Saturnalia Ballroom.

Dark Odyssey is a weekend convention for open-minded adults from all walks of life. This year's Winter Fire is taking place at a first class hotel in downtown Washington, DC. We will be moments from Union Station, the Mall, the Smithsonian, and Capital Hill. The hotel is scene friendly and knows exactly what we are doing. We will actually be taking over the entire hotel for a weekend everyone is sure to remember.

Join us on an adventure where we play, discover, and learn to achieve more ecstatic states of love, awareness, and personal sexuality. Dark Odyssey will immerse you in an atmosphere of sexual energy and experimentation that will add excitement and passion to your relationships and create deeper levels of connection between you and your partners.

"Not while you are alive!"

My mother has decided to start dating, for the first time, since my daddie died in January.  She called me a week ago & wanted to know if I wanted to "remain a daughter or become a friend".  Never hearing that question before, I pressed her for more information.  She said she had joined e-harmony & was interested in having Beloved & me, go on a double date with her & her suitor.   I happily agreed.  Isn't that too cute?

I asked her to tell me about her suitor.  She said his name is John & he lives two states away.  When I mentioned that I had difficulty doing long distance relationships, she said that would be no problem, considering she had enough money to rent an apartment local to John for several months.  My mother is such as bad ass.

I then asked her to describe John.  Once she did, I paused for a moment & asked, "Is Daddie dead?"  Perplexed, she replied "Yeah, I am pretty sure I kissed him good-bye on his death bed.  Why do you ask?"  She had just described Daddie perfectly, except obviously John was alive.

I asked my mom if she would tell my brother about her dating.  She said, "Absolutely not.  He would never understand."  I giggled & said, "There are moments in our lives we  remember forever.  This is one of them for me.  As a parent, you can never tell a child if they are more favored above another.  However, by you sharing your plans with me & not with my brother, you are telling me you like me more."  She did not agree, but instead said, "You won't tell him."  I answered, "Not while you are alive!"

Family Therapy

I have decided to return to family therapy with Baby, my 14-year-old daughter.  It seems we have difficulty communicating & she transfers her anger towards her father to me.  The last time I, BabyDaddie & Baby went to family therapy, the therapist said I did not need to be there, because  I seemed to have a healthier relationship with Baby, then BabyDaddie.  So, the two of them, continued to go to therapy two more times.  However, they soon stopped.

This time, I am focused on my relationship with her, rather than there's.  This has enraged BabyDaddie, because he believes that he should be there, every time Baby goes to therapy.  I disagree, because I know if he does attend he & his problems will take over the meeting & I want to focus on my relationship with her.  Besides, if he wanted to have  more therapy sessions with Baby, he could schedule them himself.

I think the real reason he does not want me to go to therapy with her is because he thinks negative things will be said about him.  I also think he believes that me taking her to therapy may look good in court.  In reality,  I try to avoid saying anything negative about BabyDaddie & I would take her to therapy, even if a court date was not approaching.

Our first therapy session with just us girls is tomorrow at 10:30am.