Monday, May 3, 2010

"Back away from the phone, Maw! "

Last week, I taught my mother how to take pictures with her cell phone & send them to me. Big mistake! She has now sent me 276 pictures, including pictures of Wal-mart, my father driving, changing her grand-brats diapers, her furries, etc. I refuse to teach her how to make videos. Back away from the phone, Maw! Back away from the phone.

Rekindle Your Relationship

Sometimes people are very in love, but have a hard time rekindling that sexual spark that brought them together in the first place. This can be a very difficult time for some, and many emotions flare up and change in an instant. Well, one of the most successful ways of rekindling sexual love in a relationship is by incorporating sex toys into your relationship.

Sex toys are very personal items, and sharing them with your partner is a great way of telling them, “I want only you to know my dirty little secret”. Not only that, but you and your partner sharing the most extreme orgasms and mental bliss will also help in firing up that flame.

Think of a vibrating love ring being a couples sex toy; the man wears it, and the woman feels it. Well, they both feel it, and together they will feel closer and will experience a more sensual, sexually heightened experience. After this great sexual encounter with someone you love, you mind will be at ease, you will be more calm, and all your worries will not matter at that one point in time.

Does that not sound nice? Well there are more examples of sex toys bringing back the love in a relationship. How about a vibrator? Arguably the most popular sex toy, and the first sex toy ever invented, the vibrator can also help bring a couple closer sexually. It all starts with a simple gift for her, from her loving partner. Give her a vibrator is a very sweet way of telling her that you are interested in trying something new to try and rekindle the sexual spark.

Let her ease into her new sex toy. Try it together at first, and don't be shy. Don't forget your lubrication, and have a private and calm yet exhilarating experience. Then the next morning, cook her breakfast. This is the cherry on top of the cake. This whole loving experience all together will show her how much she means to you, and will definitely help ignite your flame into a fireball!

These are only two ways of letting sex toys bring better orgasms, and more of them. Even if you wanted to go wild and get a strap on dildo to wear and tease each other with, or something small like a vibrating clit toy that you can use on her. Then every time she uses it, she will think of you!

Not matter how you do it, rekindling your relationship with sex toys is a very personal and intimidating thing. But this will turn into exciting and erotic with lots of love and respect in mind. Let her know you care about bringing back the wild sex you used to have, and get her a kinky little sex toy.

Or, why not try picking one out together. This is another great way of doing something together. Search through shops or websites, and pick something out together that both of you would like to try. Some great ideas for couples looking to rekindle their sex life would be a clit Flicker love ring, a secret stash of love gifts, a sexy little clit toy, or a wild pair of edible undies. These are just a few suggestions of products that would suit a couple well. For more ideas, or to pick out your own items, visit

"relationships are finite"

Yesterday I spoke to my ex-boyfriend, with whom I broke up with several months ago. I decided to leave the relationship, because I was no longer sexually interested in him. In a previous conversation, he said that he always remained friends with his exs. That seems to be the case with me as well.

After he mentioned several times that he needed to take a break from running his retail store in New Jersey, I invited him to spend Halloween with me. However, the more I thought about it, the more I decided that perhaps it was not as good of an idea as I first imagined. I still was not interested in having sex with him & I did not want him to be frustrated around me, with an erection the whole time. He listened to my thoughts & agreed, saying he would consider things more. He also mentioned that he had found a potential sex partner in Virginia. Thinking he could relax his sexual frustrations with her, I suggested he visit her on the same trip. In talking to him on the phone, I realized I had made the correct decision to leave the relationship. I had no emotional distress in hearing he was interested in someone else. In fact, I was relieved.

One of my quizzes said it best “While you enjoy high-intensity, short-term interactions with many different people, you don’t put much effort into keeping those people around. Living in the present and letting go when necessary appeals to you more than collecting long-term friendships. It annoys you when old friends have expectations of you.”

I have never had anything so correct said about me. I cannot seem to find a partner who holds my attention for more than two years. On the other had, I feel like it’s a blessing too. When one extraordinary person leaves my life, room is made for another one.

I believe that relationships are finite. My goal is to learn as much as I can from each person in my life, before they leave. I want them to teach me about the world & about myself. No relationship, whether personal or professional is a failure, unless I learn nothing. Then, the only person to blame is myself for not taking the time to listen & learn.

I learned the following things from these very extraordinary spirits:
1. Ex-Husband: I should not be in a monogamous marriage.
2. Pat: There are very few people in the world who are worthy of my time, energy & emotions. If I give those very precious things to someone who is not worthy, I am being disrespectful to myself. There are people in the world who are broken & cannot be fixed. Let them go.
3. Scott: I should not settle for anyone who is not completely accepting of my past, present & future.

Anal Sex Toys For Beginners

Some people are squeamish about letting any sex toys get close to this area of their body. Even if you are one of those people, don't you want to “try something at least once”? If the answer is yes, and sex toys around the anus is something you are willing to experience, even if it's just so you can say you have done it, then here are some tips about anal sex toys, what kinds there are, and what you should do with them. Anal sex toys are really not the intimidating, before you start, why not take some time to look through all of the different types, seizes and styles, and get your bearings of what an anal sex toy really is.

First of all, anal sex toys range from all sizes. For beginners, start small. There is no rush into a large, throbbing and inflating anal plug. The anus is a muscle like any other muscle in your body, and muscles need to be trained in order to grow, and especially get comfortable accepting sex toys. The muscle part is mostly just the opening, or the sphincter, which is what need to be trained. Like all muscles, if you go slow and work it in, eventually you can train your anus to love anal sex toys, and the sensations that they deliver.

Start with small anal toys, small ranging from a 0.5 inches to 1.25 inches wide shaft. Anything in this size should be comfortable and easy to insert. Anything larger may be uncomfortable and prove to be too large for a beginner.

Try starting with jelly anal sex toys. These are easier for beginners, as these sex toys are squeezable and squishy, which will be more comforting on the anus. Anything hard like rubber or plastic is very rigid, and will cause discomfort for someone who is not used to inserting a sex toy into their anus. Also, ensure you have sufficient anal lubrication in order to ease insertion. Anal lube is different from other lubrication because it is thicker, and will stay smeared on the sex toy better than regular water based lube. Anal lube is generally water based for easier cleaning.

For beginners, try simply inserting the anal plug of your choice and wearing it during sex. Lay on your back and let your partner do most of the work. This way you will be able to soak up all the sensations and see if you like it. Before you decide if you do like anal sex toys or not, you have to use them a couple of times. The first time will most likely be uncomfortable and awkward. The second time may also be awkward, and the third time you will begin to really feel what it is like. Now that you know what to expect, try moving around a bit, going on top or any of your favorite positions. After about a week, you will be able to really get a feel for anal sex toys, and make a decision weather or not anal sex toys are for you.

If you decide that you do in fact enjoy anal sex toys, then there are a couple of things you should try. Anal beads are a great way of increasing the sensations of your orgasm. Anal beads are small jelly, silicone, rubber, plastic, or metal beads on a string, or a jelly string or some kind of attachment to each other, and have a small retrieval ring on one end. They are most of the time graduated, which means a smaller bead at one end, and they gradually get larger. These are easy to insert, simply lubricate and slide them in. Wear them during intercourse, and right before you orgasm, grab the ring and pull them out. This will stimulate you, and you will experience an orgasm like no other! An orgasm only anal sex toys can deliver!

Once you are used to anal sex toys, and comfortable to try a new step up, then you can move to vibrating anal sex toys. These will stimulate the male prostate gland, which is considered the male G-Spot. An orgasm felt be stimulating this area i different from a regular orgasm. It is more intense and more erotic.

Females using anal sex toys experience a full feeling anus, which in turn pushes against the wall of the vagina, making it feel smaller and tighter. When a woman uses a vibrating anal sex toy, not only does it feel nice on her anus, but the man penetrating her will also feel the vibrations, which definitely benefits both partners.

Dildos For Beginners

If you have never used a dildo before, and are curious about them, then here is a simple guide to help give you some insight on dildos, how to use them, and how the feel. There are many different materials and styles of dildos, all with the purpose of pleasure and sensations you will love to share with your partner, or keep to yourself. Sex toys are wonderful things, and dildos are definitely part of that!

Dildo's are great for women who are working their way into the wonderful world of sex toys, have no previous experience, and are not sure what they like. Unlike other sex toys, dildo's do not vibrate, but they do have features that make them real, comfortable and sexy.

If you are not used to sex toys, and if this is your first dildo, try starting at your comfortable width. Measure your man and use that width, or if you are not sure, perhaps try a thinner width like 1 inch. This way you can experience sex toys inside you, and get to know your own body comfortably. Take your time, and when it comes time when you are craving something bigger, then look around and try the next size up.

If you are experienced with sex toys, then you might already know what you like. If this is your first dildo, even though you like sex toys, then can pick a larger size and should not have a problem. Perhaps try something 1.5 inches to 2 inches wide, as dildo sex toys are different than other sex toys, but they still have your cravings in mind.

To use a dildo for the first time, try and keep it simple. Lubricate the dildo, and lay on your back. Place the dildo up to your vagina. Massage the lips and the clitoris, and slowly insert the dildo into your vagina. Move it around, and massage your vagina and probe it as deep as feels good. Learn your body, and experiment with your sex toys. Find out what really feels good for you, and where the sensations are mostly felt. When you decided what feels nice, and how you like to use your dildo, then try a newer model.

There are many dildo sex toys to choose from, try something ballsy if you want something new. Ballsy dildos are usually life like, with large testicles as a base. The base usually has a flat surface on the underside so you can stand it up if you like. There are also dildos that have a suction cupped base, so you can suction these sex toys to a chair, or the ledge of the bathtub for tub time fun.

If you like a squishy, fun, feminine dildo, then try a jelly dildo. These dildo sex toys are slick, and slippery when wet. You will enjoy a jelly dildo sex toys, as you can squeeze them with your vagina muscles as hard as you want, which is also great exercise.

If you want to try something realistic, go for a Cyberskin dildo. Cyberskin sex toys are the most realistic available. They are soft, smooth and feel like skin. Using a cyberskin dildo, you may even forget it is not a real man! Cyberskin sex toys are high class, and higher priced, but well worth it.

Some dildos are smooth, and some are rigid with bumps, veins, and folds for added stimulation and sensation.

This is only a simple guide to dildo sex toys. If you have more questions, don't be shy to contact the customer service of the shop you are looking at. They are there to help, and should be able to answer your questions about sex toys. If they cannot answer them, them perhaps that is not the shop for you. If the customer service portion of any website cannot answer your questions about the products they are selling, then they must not really be passionate about what they do.

Welcome to the unique and exciting world of sex toys, and enjoy the sex toys you choose.

Pleasure Balls

Pleasure balls are small sex toys that are used by women all over the world. They are part of history, and are said to have originated in Japan. The Japanese women would use them to relieve sexual tension, and store them in a small pouch. Ben Wah balls, or pleasure balls, are small, plastic/metal balls attached together by a cord, or are simply separate and float independently. In Japan, many years ago, they are said to have been made from metal or ivory.

Some pleasure balls are simple, solid balls, and some are known as Duotone Balls, as they have one larger ball, with a smaller, weighted ball inside. The weight will roll around, and the larger outer ball will follow, making the movements erratic and spontaneous.

They are used by women to increase sexual desire, to exercise the vaginal muscles, and to increase sensations felt during sexual intercourse. A woman can wear them all day if she wishes, as long as she can squeeze her muscles and keep them in. A sneeze or a cough can cause the balls to fall out of the vagina.

To use Ben Wa Balls, simply place them inside the vagina, and hold them in by squeezing your muscles. Similar to squeezing your bladder, which is why these have been used by gynecologists to help women with bladder control problems control them. As you go about doing your daily routine, the balls will move around inside, giving you slight teasing sensations. Pleasure balls can be used during intercourse, if done carefully, and may also be used with other sex toys.

A women holding in the pleasure balls in is a form of Kegel exercise, which strengthens the pubococcygeus muscles. This can help control the bladder, and heighten sexual pleasure. Ben Wa Balls are types of sex toys that are solely for women.

During intercourse, wearing your Ben Wah balls will heighten sensations for a man as he will be able to feel them inside the woman. They will roll around his penis and massage him erotically. For the woman, she feel the balls move around inside her as the man pumps in and out. Rough sex is not recommended while wearing pleasure balls.

You can also wear your pleasure balls during masturbation with sex toys. Since Ben Wa Balls are sex toys already, why not add more sex toys! Try wearing your pleasure balls while using a vibrator gently, and massaging yourself while enjoying the internal massaging of the balls.

Mix your pleasure balls with your sex toys, or with your intercourse, or simply wear them to strengthen your vaginal muscles, which will increase your sex in the long run. Ban Wah balls are popular, comfortable and very beneficial for women. See your gynecologist if you are not sure about using Ben Wa Balls. Enjoy your sex toys, and have fun playing with pleasure balls.

The Human Maze

I always get the biggest kick out of boys, when it comes to phone sex. They are wonderfully simply, when it comes to what they like & how I can help them get off. I think that goes for men in general vs. women who are incredible complex.

I always explain the differences in boys & girls this way. If a full sized human maze is created & you tell a boy that if he finishes the maze he gets a great reward, preferably sexual, he will excitedly start the maze without any questions asked. If you tell the same thing to a girl, she will try to negotiate the reward, the day & time of the maze running, her wardrobe, ask if she can just do something else for the reward, etc. She will make things very very complicated. All the while, the boy has gotten to the end of the maze & it getting his cock out of his pants! Wonderfully simple.

Now please do not confuse simple with stupid. Of course boys are not stupid, they just know a good thing when they hear it & they take no chances in loosing out on a great reward by talking about it, before they attack the problem.

Sex Toy Cleaners

Keeping the dildos, the vibrators, and the butt products clean is extremely important for sex toys owners. Especially since these toys are usually used internally. It is best to clean the sex toy before and after each usage to prevent potential illnesses caused by the body fluid left on the sex toy.

One of the most reliable way to prevent the spread of any disease is to use a condom on the toy. Using a condom prevents having to interrupt during sex to clean the toy and lessen the chance of spreading bacterias. Almost all toys feels better used with lubricants. Water based lubricants are the safest.

How to clean sex toys

Antibacterial soap and warm water can be used if you don't have sex toy cleaners. Any sex toy that had contacts with body fluid should be washed in soap and water and then soaked in a solution of 10% bleach and 90% water. Rinse well in clear water for several minutes after to remove bleach and soap. Commercial adult toy cleaning solutions that can be purchased that have been specially formulated to kill all bacteria and germs and at the same time preserve the life of the toys.

Cyberskin Sex Toys Cleaning

Cyberskin is extremely sensitive and should be cleaned following use with warm water and stored in a clean dry place to keep the toy like new.

Silicone Vibrators & Dildos

Silicone is a very durable material so it can be easily cleaned with soap and warm water. Even boiling the toy for disinfection or wash it in a dishwater will not harm it. However, to go to such an extreme, make sure there are no plastic parts and the toy is waterproof.

Rubber Dildos, Plugs & Etc.

The best and easiest way to keep rubber clean is with a condom. Clean all rubber products after use with soap and warm water. They need to also be rinsed well as the left over soap residue can cause damage to the rubber and also irritate the skin.


Do not use any oil based lubricants on latex. Use only water-based products with latex.


Leather is a very difficult material to keep clean because of all the irregularities of the material. To clean leather, first wash the edges with a strong foaming cleaner and a brush, then wipe down all of the surfaces with hydrogen peroxide and allow to dry. Follow this by using saddle soap for an additional cleaning. The last process is using a leather conditioner to restore it back to its natural finish. The leather conditioner is an absolute must because without it the leather will begin to dry out and crack. This process does not work on suede.

Sex Toys Storage

Very simple rule for sex toys storage: keep it out of sunlight and make sure the place is not humid.

Note: To get the best battery life for your toy, take the batteries out after each use.

My REAL life as a call girl

By Maya Dollarhide

(LifeWire) -- Eight years ago, Natalie McLennan, a leggy brunette, moved to New York City from Montreal to pursue an acting career. At a cocktail party, she met Jason Itzler, the self-proclaimed "'king of all pimps'' and owner of the now-defunct New York Confidential escort agency. When Itzler suggested McLennan, then 28, work for him, she decided "dating" guys beat waiting tables while she continued looking for acting gigs.

My REAL life as a call girl
By 2004, McLennan was earning around $2,000 an hour, sometimes more, seeing "two to three clients a day for at least two to three hours each."

When it came to catering to the needs of her well-heeled customers, "I was always on call."

Natalie -- known as Natalia -- had hit it big; in July 2005, she was profiled for a New York magazine cover story. Three months after the interview hit the newsstands, the agency was shut down. McLennan was arrested for prostitution, spending 26 days in jail.

Thirty-year-old "Celeste," who didn't want her real name used, says she started turning tricks in Minnesota at 15. For her, prostitution was a job, not a path to a celebrity lifestyle. In a good year, the young wife and mother saw up to four clients a day, men she describes as "just guys, like the ones you see at the supermarket or fixing something in your house" and earned up to $300 for 30 minutes of her services. She found her customers through online personals, chat rooms and telephone talk lines for singles.

"I needed that money. I had debt, credit card debt. Then later, when I had a child, I needed the money to pay for food and things for my baby," she says. In May of this year, Celeste says, she decided to quit for good after a client, a doctor, hurt her during sex. "I figured he of all people would know the limitations of a person's body, but he didn't and I thought I was going to die."

McLennan and Celeste represent two sides of an industry that perennially generates headlines and pop culture buzz. Tabloid tales of high-priced call girls and politicians -- like former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer -- have heightened interest in TV fare such as Showtime's "The Secret Diary of a Call Girl." There are also reports of a new series being developed for HBO based on the novel "Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl" and a proposed MTV reality series starring Spitzer's favorite paid date, Ashley Dupre. Video Watch why Spitzer resigned, but was not charged »

While these moments in the sun tend to glamorize prostitution, women in the sex industry and those who study them say a prostitute's real life can also be difficult and dangerous. What's harder to get agreement on is whether the sex industry victimizes women.

Risks and rewards

When Celeste met her first pimp at a gas station hang-out, she was vulnerable and alone. Her family had neglected her, she says, and she was often the target of psychological abuse. She "didn't have enough self-esteem" to say no when her new boyfriend suggested she work for him. "He was very handsome and smooth," she says. "I wanted him to like me and be my boyfriend. I was living on my own, mainly, and he took care of me."

McLennan, on the other hand, felt more in control and says she enjoyed aspects of her former job, especially the money and the opportunity to "party with rock stars."

"I never felt that I was a victim, as opposed to the girls on the street," says McLennan. "There was definitely anxiety at the beginning, but it got easier almost immediately because the agency's clientele mainly consisted of successful, well-mannered business men. We were marketed as princesses and the men who hired us treated us as such."

Celeste was not so lucky. "I was always afraid, every single time," she recalls. "I did this for 15 years and I never stopped being afraid. The job isn't like in the movies."

Victims or not?

McLennan and Celeste both say working for a high-end escort agency or as a call girl is preferable to working in the streets because the money is better and it's less risky than walking the streets. Researchers, meanwhile, are divided over whether the sex industry victimizes the women.

"Prostitution causes deep psychological harm," says Melissa Farley, Ph.D., a research and clinical psychologist and founder and executive director of the nonprofit group Prostitution Research and Education in San Francisco. "The words that are said to these women on the job, the names they are called by their [customers] and pimps hurt them emotionally. They are frequently abused physically. Not to mention that the shelf life of women in prostitution is short -- if women manage to stay alive in it, they don't last a long time."

Farley, who spent two years investigating eight legalized brothels says, "Nevada brothels are scary, scary places." Her research, which she self-published in "Prostitution and Trafficking in Nevada: Making the Connections," found that 81 percent of the women in brothels don't want to be there.

Others disagree and contend that by legalizing prostitution in the form of brothels, women in the sex industry can gain a modicum of legitimacy.

Brothels, a legal solution

Sociologist Barb Brents of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, has spent the last 10 years researching the legal brothel industry in Nevada. She disagrees with Farley's position that all women working as prostitutes -- even legally in brothels -- are victims.

Most women working in brothels, Brents says, are doing it for the money, like any other job. "You have women coming in from low-paying service jobs... who decide to work in a brothel because they need more money to make ends meet," she says. "Then you have former prostitutes, women who want to get away from stress of working illegally. Then you have the 'professionals,' women from the legal porn industry or former dancers who see their work as a profession or a calling."

While Brents agrees that abuse and violence can and does occur in the sex industry, it rarely happens in legalized brothels, she says. "These women can leave their jobs. They can walk out the door and quit. They are not prisoners there. And most of them stay because the money is good."

Fifty-year-old Marisol, who asked that her real name not be used, works at Donna's Ranch, a legal brothel in northeastern Nevada. At Donna's, sex workers have access to medical care, are regularly tested for HIV, and have the option of refusing a client. For Marisol, however, it's the money that makes being a sex worker appealing.

"It's a job. I am a single mother and this job allowed me to pay for my daughters' education, our mortgage and our car. I could not do that working at Wal-Mart."

Getting out, or trying to

Still, the women interviewed for this article agree that even under the best circumstances, being a sex worker isn't a job that they want to pursue forever. Retirement seems like a good idea to ex-call girl McLennan, who says she is happy to be done with that part of her life, in part because her short prison time was an eye-opener to the risks of her profession. Still, her experiences provided for her: She is writing a memoir, "The Price" (Phoenix Books), due out in November.

She's also planning to set up blog "where I can offer other girls advice and guidance. I have made a lot of bold choices in my life but I think many of them have been misguided."

Celeste wants to volunteer to baby-sit at the non-profit where she once received counseling and comfort. "A lot of women there have babies or young children and they need someone to watch them while they get help," she says. "I want to be able to give back to the organization someday."

For now, Celeste is concentrating on raising her daughter. But despite the harm and fear her last client caused her, she still hasn't changed her phone number -- the one that keeps her attached to her former clients. Without that number, she's officially out of business.

"I keep meaning to change it," she says, "but then I think, what if I need to earn some money fast? It's hard to let go."

Sexual Positions to Re-ignite Your Sex Life

Sex should be everything but routine duty work. One of ten thousand reasons that sex becomes boring and blend for both partners is relying on a few plain old sexual positions.

It is very often that couples develop routines during sex, such as techniques, positions, and verbal languages. If partners really care about having great and prolonged excitements in their sex lives. they will have a place in this routine for “new and cool stuff”. Instead of whipping out the kama sutra book, here are a few dramatic change of place and position that will bring some fire into your sex life.

Bring sex out of the bedroom and try it on sofa or a chair in your living room. Believe it or not, having sex on a chair can be as varied as on the bed, gives the couple a whole new range of sensations, and can be fun as well. Here are few basic positions, and these have also their variants, and allows the couple to be very creative (giving a warm loving feeling as well). (Note: when using chairs, try to have padding on the wooden chair, or use soft leather chair instead)

Position One: Knelling on the Chair.

In the position you use a standard dining room chair, with high back. The girl kneels on the chair and faces the back of the chair holding on to start.

The man enters from the rear (a variant of the doggy-style pose) but with a lot of advantages. The guy can massage his partner, fondle her breasts, and stimulate her clitoris.

This allows for deep penetration, and slow and long trusting is advised. The girl can push back with her hands creating greater friction. This is a very sexy position, and almost always ends up in mutual orgasm.

Position Two: Seeing “eye to eye”

For this position you use either the sofa for an arm chair. The man sits down normally and the woman then sits on the man’s lap, but her legs over each of the arms of the chair. The man easily enters, and this position the couple are really eye to eye.

The man now supports his partner at her waste, and helps her move up and down. This position allows for both maximum clitoral and G-spot stimulation and can end in a dramatic orgasm for the woman.

Third Position: The Jack knife

Here the couple are assumed to be more or less athletic. The woman rests her arms to the elbow on the chair seat, and holds on the back of the chair. The man then lifts her legs, and supports her, and the woman will wrap her legs around the man’s waist and back. The man enters her, and there is no trusting, only deep penetration.

This has minimal clitoral or G-spot stimulation, but it is a very unique feeling and often the couple reach an orgasm quickly, as the movements are very intimate.

Fourth Position: Across the Sea

Here the woman lays across the arm chair, and not sitting on it. She is in a prone position, using one arm for a pillow and the other arm supporting her pelvic area.

The man enters from the rear, and the woman then, if she wishes, can bring her legs together, giving the man an exquisite feeling.

This allows for clitoral friction and some G-spot stimulation as the man’s penis will tend to trust downward. It is a wonderfully personal position, and allows for much intimacy between the couple.

Keeping your Sexlife alive does require variety, so give the above positions a try.

Soft, Warm, & Evil

“Soft, warm & evil”. That’s what Beloved called me, while being frisky this afternoon. I suppose I was being a bit mischievous, as usual. My philosophy is to give my partner 80% of what they want & make them beg for the last 20%. Once they do, I reward them well!

8 Gates of Pleasure

Oral sex is one of the most important parts of the sexual foreplay for couples. This is especially true for women because the most sensitive and sexual pleasurable spot on women's body is the clitoris.

There are tons of articles on the internet teaching men and women on how to perform oral sex. What I have below is simply a technique that I found very exciting and pleasurable for both men and women. I call this technique "Eight Gates of Pleasure". (There isn't really an official name for it simply because not many people know of this technique.)

  1. One glass of ice water with 8 or 9 ice cubes inside.
  2. One glass of warm water (a little hotter than lukewarm).
  3. Clean towel
Perform Eight Gates of Pleasure:
  1. Spread clean towel on bed.
  2. Sip in some warm water, perform your normal oral sex routine on him or her (I assume you already know how to do this perfectly. :-)
  3. Stop after one minute and hold one ice cube in your mouth and perform the oral sex routine. (Trust me; it is not as cold as you think it will be. However, try not keeping the ice cube on her or him directly for more than 5 seconds.)
  4. Stop after one minute and rotate back to the warm water routine. Perform this rotation for 8 times (8 ice and 8 warm).
  5. Your partner should have experienced orgasms even multiple orgasms (her).
  • Try to hold water/ice cube in your mouth when performing oral sex. You should be able to perfect it after a few minutes of practice
  • Again, make sure you don't leave the ice cube on her clitoris or his penis for more than 5 seconds. Use your tongue to deliver the temperature change
  • Don't be afraid of getting things wet, this is where the fun is
This technique is one of the best that I found to work so far. If performed correctly. It usually brings some of the most intense orgasms for us. When I introduced this technique to some of my male friends, many of them can't last more than 5 gates. Give it a try with your partner tonight, and leave him/her ecstatically breathless.

If you are over 40...


Sex Toys & Swingers

When you’ve been swinging for a while, the question of adding a little something more to mix is inevitable. And it’s not because you’re bored necessarily, but it can be because you’re just looking to crank up the fun a little, and with all of the sex product stores and websites available, you might be wondering if adult toys are the route to go. Here are several reasons why sex toys and swingers do mix well together.

Good For Anytime

Not only can sex toys spice up swinging experiences, but they can also help you out when you’re on your own. Actually, some people find it rather arousing to watch someone pleasure themselves, or you can use it when you’re waiting to swing again.

Batteries Last Longer

When you’re trying to please someone orally, you may find that your stamina isn’t always at the peak of its worth. Using vibrators and other stimulators can help to keep the feeling going without causing your jaw to ache. Also, there are products for men that can enhance penis stimulation, and these toys can be used when your hands are busy doing something else so you get the best of all the stimulating words there are.

For Places You Can't Reach

For places that go out of reach at times, you can use toys to assist you. Also, if you’re a bit hesitant to go certain places (anal play is one example), there are toys that can do the stimulating for you while you help out in other areas.

One of You Is Too Tired

Of course, if one of you is too tired to keep up the action, then a vibrator or other stimulator can keep going. This is also a good thing to have if one person is in the mood, but another is not. Multiple orgasms are exhausting, so the less work that you need to do to help the other person achieve your bliss, the better.

Sex Toys Are Good For Your Health

This might be a bit of a stretch, but having an orgasm releases oxytocin into the bloodstream. This is a hormone that calms the body and prevents you from feeling pain. So, heck, why not try a toy to do your own research.

Learning Curve

Sex Toys can also be a great way to learn more about your partner or other person involved in swinging. By trying out new things together, you can build on the relationship that you’ve already begun, or you and your partner can try something out and then share it in a swinging setting.

What to Buy

One of the greatest things about the Internet is the anonymity. If you’ve never bought a sex toy before, you can go online and read user reviews as well as information to make the best decision. You will see that there are many more toys for women than for men, but that doesn’t mean that men’s toys aren’t any good. You just need to try a lot out to see what works for you. If at first you don’t find something that is pleasurable, then try again. Soon you’ll find something that will move you in the right direction and add a little something-something to your swinging experience.

While sex toys and swingers are a great mix, you can also see that sex toys are just a great addition to any relationships.

"I cry after a good bowel movement!”

Last year, on Christmas Day, I was in a Chinese restaurant over hearing a conversation with a relatively new couple. I could tell they were new, based upon the very basic questions the girl was asking the boy. Perhaps it was their first date.

At one point, the wench asked the boy, “Do you ever cry”? The boy replied with “Yeah, I cry. I cry after a good bowel movement!”

I promptly said in a very loud voice “I guarantee you will never see her again, after today”. The girl agreed!

The Chris Chandler Collection

I recently helped move a friend, Chris Chandler (, out of his house, in anticipation for his journey to California.  Gratefully, he gave me his CD collection.  I was thrilled; as it is a wonderful accumulation of storyteller & folk artists he has met in his career.  I am in the progress of cataloging them.  You can get a taste of what I come across so far through the link below.  Check back often, as I update it!

<-----------  Look to the left, under "Chris Chandler Collection" for more details

"think fisting with a beer can"

This is a wonderfully funny conversation I had with C online. He happens to have been my savior, when he picked me up from jail at 3am after my February arrest. You have to love a boy who can put up with me & cook!

C: i made chicken!!
Me: yipppeeee. what kind?
Me: I have pasta!
C: baked it myself...garlic with a beer infusion
Me: jeebus
C: that's fancy talk for "I cooked it on an open beer can"
Me: ummm...okay. wont the chicken fall off the beer can, because its too big?
C: no...i used a regular chicken and not a roaster...they're smaller..perfect size for beer can cooking
Me: so this little ittie bittie chicken, the size of an egg, sits on the top of a beer can?
C: no silly...i shoved the beer can up it's ass and stood it up in the pan
C: think fisting with a beercan
Me: too funny
Me: definite blog material

Favorite Quote

"I'd have a hard time spanking you, knowing I might give you brain damage from spanking that smart ass of yours."

Franchesca: Litter Box Boy

I had a most curious conversation with a slave recently, by way of  phone sex. I became his confessor. He went into detail about how his apartment in NYC had been taken over by a dominant Mistress. She has even even regulated him to using the litter box in the pantry, where he sleeps.

I am always fascinated with why people do what they do, especially when it comes to their sexuality. I always end up asking as many questions as I can. In franchesca's case, she derived pleasure from the attention his owner gave him. In order to garner it, he did whatever she said, including having people poop on his chest.

Having worked in a profession dungeon, I am very familiar with that philosophy, as I was able to get silly subbie boys to do all kinds of things. Even to this day, I take great delight in getting people to go beyond their boundaries.

Tim Minchin serenades the Pope

Tim Minchin Serenades the Pope

Favorite Quote

My best friend said this to me today: “I have learned so much from you about being in the moment. I will forever be grateful. You taught me to dance in the rain, instead of waiting for the storm to pass.”