Sunday, April 25, 2010

Beloved's Loves

Beloved is well on his way to beginning his romantic relationship with M.  Last night over dinner, he briefly chatted about what he wanted to do on his first date with her Thursday.  Since beginning our polyamorous relationship, Beloved, my live-in partner, has dated two other women.

F was the first.  She was 30 years younger than him & a co-worker.  I knew from the beginning that the relationship would not be successful.  Someone so young could not possibly be emotionally mature enough to handle a 30 year difference in ages, as well as a polyamorous one.  Although they stayed together romantically for only 2 months, they still work together.  Several months ago, he wrote her a letter saying that he respectfully requested that she not act anything but professional with him, such as not sending "drunk texts".  She read the letter, never replied, & did as he requested.  He stills longs for her.  The thought makes me sad that he is sad.

K was the second.  We both have sex with K from time to time.  She is not a romantic partner.  She is more of a play toy for us, although her place in our personal lives seems to be on the decline.  She holds traits that we do not find attractive, such as her weight, smoking & the lack of time we are able to share with her, because of her young daughter.

I am nervous about him dating M.  The biggest issue I have is she also works with him, just as F did.  In fact, all three still work there to this day.  I would really hate for his relationship with M to end like the one with F.  I cannot imagine working among the same small staff, with two former lovers staring at you day in & day out.

Although I have voiced my concern, I am not sure if it has caused him to pause & think.  I am not interested in him completely stopping the path of the relationship, I just want him to think.  I will speak to him again, before their first date on Thursday.

Giving C Advice

My close friend C, spent yesterday evening with Beloved & me. I absolutely adore C, for a multiple of reasons. C & I have been lovers from time to time; however, not in the last year. All of which Beloved knows.

It seems that C just broke up with his most recent sexual partner. Apparently, she was getting too serious too fast. C said that now that he looks back he could see the signs all along. However, he ignored them, knowing he was having sex regularly. Things came to a head, when she wanted to call C her boyfriend, yet C would not call her his girlfriend. She finally got the hint & the two of them called the romantic relationship off.

Much of the evening was spent chatting with C about what he wanted in a relationship & polyamory. C is not sure whether or not he is polyamorous. However, he knows that he is not interested in dating just one person. His confusion came to telling a potential partner that he was not interested in just dating one person; although, that could possibly happen in the future. His thoughts were he did not want to scare a partner off.

My advice to C was to find out what he wanted out of a relationship & then to communicate that to a potential romantic partner, regardless of what he believed her response would be. Staying true to himself his ultimate goal.

Baby & Her Cell Phone

When I picked up Baby, my 13-year-old daughter, from the bus stop, in order to take her to yearly physical, she was very upset, crying & speaking very quickly in a high pitched tone.  Once I got her to calm down, she explained that when her teacher had taken away her cell phone, because she was caught using it during the school day, the teacher, along with two other administrators, went through the phone & read all of her text messages, later interrogating Baby about what they found.  They did not get permission from Baby or me, nor did they have a search warrant.

I do believe the school had the right to take the phone away from Baby, if they stated in advance that would occur, if she was caught using it in school.  However, I do not believe they had a right to look through her phone, without permission.

I am going to ask an attorney for advice.

Baby & Birth Control

I took Baby, my 13-year-old daughter,  to her yearly physical on Friday.  She did very well, being healthy & losing a bit of weight.  The most interesting part of the event took place, when the doctor mentioned that because of a state law, he was required to tell Baby that she could discuss things with him, without me present, including drugs, alcohol, birth control, etc.  Then, the doctor left for a moment.

Baby & I have always had very open communications about sex & birth control.  I strongly believe that a girl or woman should be completely in control of her body & have any information to empower her in that journey.  In the end, she is the only person who will protect herself.  In addition, because my mother was in the health care industry, she has always had an additional person to talk to that believes in the same thing.

The doctor returned & Baby left him know she was interested  in talking.  He gave her pamphlets detailing the different types of birth control, along with additional information that was unbiased & medical.  The whole situation was surreal.  One  moment, I saw my young daughter & another moment I saw a woman, getting information about protecting her body.  Honestly, I had prepared for this moment for many years, but I was uncomfortable.

Afterwards, we were leaving the building & Baby stopped me in the hall, giving me a huge heartfelt hug, saying that she was very grateful to have such an understanding & caring mother.  She then gave me a huge hug.