Girl Exposed

"How about I just give that money to someone who is not financially stable?!"

2010-12-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

I went to see my probation officer yesterday. Because I am only on administrative probation, I see her once every 3 months for pleading guilty to profiting off an illegal business in the spring of 2008. Unbelievably, the meetings take less than five minutes & no longer include any drug testing.

I still seem to be an odd person for her. For example, she told me I overpaid my fine by $400 & no longer owed any money. When I explained that I was financially stable & it was not a big deal to have $400 tied up, she laughed & said, "How about I just give that money to someone who is not financially stable?!" Ummmm....yeah. I should have never mentioned that.

Anyway, I no longer owe money, no longer take drug tests, & I am off probation in August of 2011. I have decided to have a probation party & invite my probation officer, judge, arresting detective, police, prosecuting attorney, & criminal defense attorney! After that, I plan to have my record exonerated.

It's just another chapter in my book of life.

Successful Family Therapy

2010-12-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

I & Baby, my 14-year-old daughter, went to our family therapy appointment today. My goal was to learn to communicate better, as many of our conversations end in tears & yelling.

After asking questions & hearing us talk, our therapist had an opinion. She told Baby that she was not completely faultless in our issues we were having. She pointed out to Baby that she had a tendency to interrupt people & did not accept responsibility for her actions. I had mentioned those things to Baby several times, but as most teenagers do, she tunes me out, when she thinks I am attacking her. It felt good to have someone else recognize those characteristics & tell Baby.

As for me, she said I needed to make sure Baby & I were on the same page, when I gave her an answer to a request she makes. She said that many teenagers do not understand the concept of "Let me think about it", "maybe", or "It's a possibility", because they will translate all of that into "Yes". She said if I could not give Baby an answer immediately, I should just say, "No." Also, when I did give an answer, I should ask Baby to repeat what I said to her, to make sure she heard my answer accurately.

Also, something both sad & interesting manifested itself in the session. Baby said she believed that the reason I was taking my evenings off in order to be with her, after receiving her poor grades in the last semester, was to look good at our court appearance on December 20th. That is exactly the same thing BabyDaddie told her. So, apparently although she says she does not listen to him, he still has a negative influence over her.

I knew about the court date a full month, prior to Baby's poor grades. Therefore, the therapist said that me changing my work hours had nothing to do with the court date. In addition, the therapist said people change for all kinds of reasons & whether it was because of her grades or the court appearance makes no difference in the end. The test would be whether or not I maintained my hours with Baby in the evenings, after the court appearance.

I have every intention of doing that. In fact, I want Baby to be disappointed when I am not with her in the evenings. To accomplish that, we are settling into a ritual that seems to be pleasant of both of us. From 6pm to 8pm, we have quiet time. For those two hours, we turn off all tech stuff, including cell phones & computers. Usually, she does her homework & I make dinner. Then, from 8pm to 10pm she retreats to her room or we watch a movie. However, I hope to make the 8pm to 10pm timeframe even more productive by joining a gym & having her be my gym buddy, as she has mentioned wanting to do in the past.

Our therapist said she thought we needed more sessions & so we will be returning December 22nd. Thank goodness for insurance.

Winterfire (2/18-2/21/2011)

2010-12-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

Beloved is registering us for Dark Odyssey (http://darkodyssey.com/winterfire/home.html). I am very excited. We have gone to every one for the past two years & they always are wonderfully fun. This time I am hoping the rest of the tribe will join us, including my other boyfriend, "P", & our girlfriend, "K".

Imagine a vacation where you can explore the many facets of sexuality in a private, intimate community of like-minded people. A wholly unique experience which brings together sexuality, spirituality, education, and play in a fun, supportive, non-judgmental, diverse environment where fantasy becomes reality.

By day, learn sexual tips and techniques to create, maintain, or revive the erotic spark in your relationship. Explore a multitude of partnering possibilities, from swinging and open relationships to threesomes and polyamory. Brush up on the basics or get hands-on experience at new BDSM skills like bondage, flogging, sensory deprivation and Dominant/submissive dynamics. Delve into a world of spiritual journeys and teachings on Earth-based spirituality, Tantra, and paganism. Find all this and more in a series of dynamic workshops from top-notch sex educators, relationship experts, BDSM masters, and spiritual teachers.

At night, a very different fun begins. Join in a wonderland of freedom as people explore the things they were taught that day. In the playspace, seasoned BDSMers and novices tease and torment their partners on beautifully crafted equipment. Spin the Wheel of Destiny and try something new at our mixers. Dance, mingle and make new friends in the Saturnalia Ballroom.

Dark Odyssey is a weekend convention for open-minded adults from all walks of life. This year's Winter Fire is taking place at a first class hotel in downtown Washington, DC. We will be moments from Union Station, the Mall, the Smithsonian, and Capital Hill. The hotel is scene friendly and knows exactly what we are doing. We will actually be taking over the entire hotel for a weekend everyone is sure to remember.

Join us on an adventure where we play, discover, and learn to achieve more ecstatic states of love, awareness, and personal sexuality. Dark Odyssey will immerse you in an atmosphere of sexual energy and experimentation that will add excitement and passion to your relationships and create deeper levels of connection between you and your partners.

"Not while you are alive!"

2010-12-01T13:18:00.000-08:00

My mother has decided to start dating, for the first time, since my daddie died in January. She called me a week ago & wanted to know if I wanted to "remain a daughter or become a friend". Never hearing that question before, I pressed her for more information. She said she had joined e-harmony & was interested in having Beloved & me, go on a double date with her & her suitor. I happily agreed. Isn't that too cute?

I asked her to tell me about her suitor. She said his name is John & he lives two states away. When I mentioned that I had difficulty doing long distance relationships, she said that would be no problem, considering she had enough money to rent an apartment local to John for several months. My mother is such as bad ass.

I then asked her to describe John. Once she did, I paused for a moment & asked, "Is Daddie dead?" Perplexed, she replied "Yeah, I am pretty sure I kissed him good-bye on his death bed. Why do you ask?" She had just described Daddie perfectly, except obviously John was alive.

I asked my mom if she would tell my brother about her dating. She said, "Absolutely not. He would never understand." I giggled & said, "There are moments in our lives we remember forever. This is one of them for me. As a parent, you can never tell a child if they are more favored above another. However, by you sharing your plans with me & not with my brother, you are telling me you like me more." She did not agree, but instead said, "You won't tell him." I answered, "Not while you are alive!"

Family Therapy

2010-12-01T12:49:00.000-08:00

I have decided to return to family therapy with Baby, my 14-year-old daughter. It seems we have difficulty communicating & she transfers her anger towards her father to me. The last time I, BabyDaddie & Baby went to family therapy, the therapist said I did not need to be there, because I seemed to have a healthier relationship with Baby, then BabyDaddie. So, the two of them, continued to go to therapy two more times. However, they soon stopped.

This time, I am focused on my relationship with her, rather than there's. This has enraged BabyDaddie, because he believes that he should be there, every time Baby goes to therapy. I disagree, because I know if he does attend he & his problems will take over the meeting & I want to focus on my relationship with her. Besides, if he wanted to have more therapy sessions with Baby, he could schedule them himself.

I think the real reason he does not want me to go to therapy with her is because he thinks negative things will be said about him. I also think he believes that me taking her to therapy may look good in court. In reality, I try to avoid saying anything negative about BabyDaddie & I would take her to therapy, even if a court date was not approaching.

Our first therapy session with just us girls is tomorrow at 10:30am.

I would never join a club in which BabyDaddie is a member.

2010-11-29T09:22:00.000-08:00

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, BabyDaddie had a conversation with Baby, in which he said the reason I am giving up my work hours, in the evening, is to look good in our court proceeding on December 20th. In reality, I gave up my work hours in the evening because half of Baby's grades for the last marking period were failing. I strongly believe she needs more supervision & as the parent she lives with & gets along with, it is my responsibility to give her that.

I don't like my BabyDaddie, but I do respect him as the father of my only child. It would be nice if he treated me respectfully, by first not having an adult conversation with our 14-year-old daughter, about issues that she does not need to know about & then by not saying mean spiteful things about her mother.

Now, here's the kicker. BabyDaddie goes on & on about being a good little Christian, particularly when he said that I am a sad woman & I will never have love in my heart, until I accept Jesus Christ as my savior. I would never join a club in which BabyDaddie is a member, given his behavior.

Update

2010-11-27T12:32:00.000-08:00

I apologize for not writing in so long. I will endeavor to write at least every other day. Many wonderful & not so wonderful things have occurred, since July.

I have begun a romantic & sexual relationship, with the full knowledge & approval of Beloved, my live in boyfriend. Although P & I come from different worlds & on the surface he is not someone I would have chosen, I have fallen in love with him.

The three of us have had to become negotiate our new lives. For the most part, I spend alternating night with each of them, in the same home, but different rooms. P has claimed the 2nd spare bedroom as his, not feeling comfortable in sleeping or having sex in the bedroom I normally share with Beloved.

Things have not been completely smooth. Both boyfriends love & adore me. Therefore, I am always the center of attention for both & both always desire my attention, when I am near. As you can imagine that get s a bit wonky, when the three of us are spending time together, though that is rare. Beloved has mention that he thinks I focus on P more when the three of us are together. I am unsure of whether that is true. However, now that I know Beloved's feelings, I have paid more attention to my actions. On the flip side, P feels a sense of wonkiness, when he is around Beloved. He says he does not feel jealousy or hate, but a feeling of Beloved being proprietary of me. P asked that I not mention these things to Beloved. I agreed not to, but I did say that he needs to say something to Beloved himself, if he expects anything to change.

P has alluded to moving in with Beloved & me. I would love for that to come true, although I don't think it would be practical any time soon, especially considering the recent revelations from both boyfriends. In addition, P has some real estate he needs to sell, before he decides where he is going to live. Beloved has not said no to the idea. There are advantages to three adults living together, including financial stability & larger home. For us, that would be going from a three bedroom apartment to a single family home. In my opinion, Beloved should not bring up the topic of living together, until P brings it up first.

My life with Baby, my 14-year-old daughter, has become more sad & stressful. She has refused to spend Thanksgiving with family, choosing to spend it with her friend. She has a tendency to act out negatively when she is forced to see her father overnight. This past week she was suppose to spend four days with him, something she has not done, since she rejected him in the June of 2009. To make sure that did not occur, she disappeared, going instead to her friends. Her father left town without her, in order to focus on his holiday with his new family.

I have not been particularly strong in all of this. I cried out of the sadness Baby has caused. I have cried of frustration for having to love this child that is virtually impossible to love & now whom I am fighting for custody of on December 20th. However, I have decided that I will no longer allow her to control me or my emotions. Sadly, I have become apathetic to my only child.

P & Smoking

2010-07-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

I had breakfast this morning with P, a co-worker who would like a romantic relationship with me. I am still very interested in him. However, I have kept a bit of a distance, considering I do not have any kind of intimacy with smokers. He knows of my preference & says he could see himself quitting for me. In my head, I am flattered, but I also believe he should just do it for himself. He has said that he quit last year for 2 months, without any problem. My condition is that he quit for at least six months.

Beloved has already placed his bets on whether or not be will actually quit. He thinks he will, considering we work together & may even be roommates on an out f town industry event. He says having me around him in such tight quarters is going to drive P nuts, knowing he could actually have sex with me, if he stopped smoking. I think that's the best part for P. There is no direct pressure from me, such as nagging, except my presence.

I don't personally have any thoughts about it. I am perfectly happy with my relationship with P now. I am certainly not desperate to have sex with him or anyone, for that matter, considering I am in a healthy, sexually vibrant, polyamorous, relationship with Beloved.

" I am his completely & he is mine"

2010-07-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

With all of these other focuses in my life, including other people & particularly my daughter, I am still very much in love with Beloved. I absolutely adore him. I get gooey inside, when he walks into the room. I love the way he loves me. I love the way he tolerates me.

From time to time, as all people do, I fantasize about a different life, perhaps one that does not included Beloved. However, the moment I touch him, I am his completely & he is mine.

P, the New Toy

2010-07-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have started "hanging out" with a co-worker. He is interested in the relationship becoming romantic & sexual. I am not, because he smokes. I refuse to have any intimacy with smokers, because their body fluids, including semen, tastes like shit. I absolutely LOVE semen & being somewhat of a connoisseur, refuse to have my favorite elixir tainted with the horrible taste of smoke.

I have explained all of this to P & he says he understands, although he has continued to "hang out" with me, when our schedules match, which has been rarely until now.
Later in the month, we, along with 50 other co-workers with be attending an industry event out of town for several weeks. P & Q, my favorite sex partner, will be attending the event in it's entirety, although I will only be attending the beginning & the end.

Here is where things will get interesting. The owner of the company has said he will provide hotel rooms or give a stipend for those who are travelling from their home daily, but only counting the nights in between the days we are working. If we decide to let a hotel room be giving to us, we will probably have a roommate.

I wanted to come down to the event the night before, rather than driving for two hours & then going on to work for ten hours in the same day. Under that circumstance, I would not be given a free room. In passing I chatted with P about it.

The text conversation went like this:

P: How about u come down to the event early and I'll show you assertive and direct...elg

Me: How early?

P: I'm getting a room on the 15th

Me: With a roommate?

P: No.

Me: No? You are not being given a room? What about the other nights?

P: I don't do roommates, while traveling.

Me: You are paying for your own hotel room for the entire event?

P: Yes

Me: That is friggin insane, but nice.

P: Not really. So, yes. If you want to come down early...

Me: Yes, I would like to stay with you the evening of the 18th. I am being given a room the rest of my stay.

P: I would like you as a pillow mate for the entire event.

Me: Must be a specific reason you prefer not to have a roommates, if you are willing to pay to be alone. I do not want to be disrespectful of your parameters.

P: I want you in my parameter...direct enough?

Me: Jeebus, okay. I will consider it. I don't want something wonky to happen and me end up not having a room.

P: The only wonky thing between us is my schedule, something I need to change. Would like to get to know you a lot more. I think we are quite compatible.

So there you are. Beloved knows everything & his comment is "There will be whimpering", on P's behalf. I cannot imagine how bonkers it will make P to have me in his hotel room, with no sexual contact. I do have to admit, I take a great deal of joy in the power I seem to have over P. Hell, I take a great deal of delight in the power I have over most boys...

Boinking Q

2010-07-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

I hope to have a purely sexual relationship with Q again, considering I have not been with him intimately for several months. Q is by far my favorite sexual partner, as Beloved well knows. We have tried to have a romantic relationship. However, it always fails. So, rather than trying to convince him otherwise, I decided to be completely honest with him, saying that I realized that our perfection was created in giving each other orgasms, rather than in anything emotional. He seems to have agreed, being very interested in having sex with me on a regular basis again. Our first opportunity will take place this month, when we both have to travel out of town for an industry event.

I think I am approaching this relationship for one of two reasons or perhaps a bit of both. I think I genuinely miss Q. I also think since Beloved is focused on two other women, it's now my turn to focus on someone besides him. I am very happy with my decision & do not feel any regrets.

F Departs

2010-07-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

F, the former 20-year-old girlfriend of Beloved, is moving to the other coast in less than a month. She will no longer be working with Beloved & I will be happy, although he will not. He is very sad, thinking about her departure & rarely discusses it. I feel a bit guilty, knowing I have the opposite thoughts he has. I think her departure is a long time in the making. Because of her emotional immaturity, she was never able to become a full romantic partner to Beloved.

The relationship ended when he felt something wonky between them. Beloved went to F. telling her he would give the relationship a break, if that's what she needed. She agreed, but never said anything more. She never helped him to have closure to the relationship.

In addition, she has done other emotionally immature things, such as bringing her new boyfriend to work, making Beloved feel very uncomfortable.

I am glad she is leaving.

U & the Other Woman

2010-07-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

U, my girl crush, who moved out of state several months ago, has a girlfriend, according to her FaceBook page. Of course, if FaceBook says it is so, then it is official. I must admit I am jealous. I am not jealous of the other woman. I am jealous of the situation. As you may recall, I did not have sex with her, before she left, because I knew I would fall in love with her. I would be very sad, knowing I could not be with her, with such intense emotions.

So, I am regulated to watching her life unfold on FaceBook. I wait patiently until she returns in just under 2 years. I miss her.

Baby & Running

2010-07-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

BabyDaddie, the father of my 14-year-old daughter & ex-husband, has still been a failure as a father. In the last saga, he & Baby agreed to see each other Tuesday & Thursday night for dinner. However, he has ditched her about 50% of the time. When Baby started to do the same, BabyDaddie did not seem to understand that he was her role model. When I threatened to take him to court, yet again, he straightened up.

The one shining spot is that they may have made a connect in running. Baby is getting ready to go into high school & likes to run. BabyDaddie was a high school track star & high school track coach. He wants to coach her too. I am not sure how things will turn out. He could be his usual very controlling self or perhaps he could take this opportunity to really connect with his only child.

Baby & Birth Control

2010-07-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

Baby, my 14-year-old daughter, is now on birth control. We went to her doctor the week of her birthday. The nurse was very helpful in giving us advice on what prescription would be best for her. We decided on Depro Provera, a shot taken every three months, because as a teenager, she is not very organized, nor focused enough to have to take a pill every day. In addition, I was concerned someone would be going through her purse, perhaps for a pen, & find her birth control pills, telling her absent father.

So far, she has not had sex. She says the first time may be on December 8th, when she celebrates her 1st year anniversary with her boyfriend, whom she has not seen since last November. We believe she maintains this relationship, because she can say someone is her boyfriend, but because she never sees him in person, she does not need to have sex. She also has a crush on a boy in another state, whom she only communicates with by internet & cell phone.

Beloved & O

2010-07-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

Beloved has found another potential lover in another state. He has been invited out of state to attend the wedding of a former student. When he accepted the invitation, a party was created on FaceBook, in order to welcome him back to the area. People from his past came out of the woodwork, wanting to reconnect with him, not only at the party, but also online. One of those people was O, a former drama student of his.

O is a 24-year-old bombshell heading to graduate school overseas. Online, & by text they have reconnect, first as a student & teacher, then on a personal level. By coincidence, the same hotel Beloved is staying at is hosting a BDSM sex retreat on the same weekend. He immediate registered, when he found out O would be there too!

I am very excited for him. What 52-year-old man would not be in heaven fucking a 24-year-old girl? On my part, I feel no jealousy at all. I would be more cautious if she lived closer or if she was moving to the area for her continuing education. However, neither is the case.

On a side note, O is also the former mistress of the groom whose wedding Beloved will be attending. She was not very kind in talking about the groom. As a result of the conversations O & Beloved have had, Beloved said it would be difficult for him not to giggle during the ceremony!

He leaves for the wedding this weekend.

Beloved & M Move Forward

2010-06-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

Things seem to be moving in the direction Beloved wanted with M. They have kept a professional connection during work & now they are going out "as friends", such as shopping, bowling, , dinner & drinks after work. While I was taking a bath this morning, he mentioned that their relationship is progressing & he is pretty sure it will become sexually romantic.

I am feeling a bit wonky about the situation, as I explained to him. If Beloved & M become sexual I will be losing something in their relationship. My thoughts are this. If they work together at least 30 hours a week, frequently alone, giving them the ability to have sex, chances are less likely Beloved & I will be having sex with me. As much as I would like to believe he would be able to have sex more than once a day, he cannot. After all, he is 52. In reality, he will be seeing far more of her in person & sexually then he will me. That makes me feel wonky.

The only thing I can do, is let things happen as they will & keep communication open.

Sorry for the delay

2010-06-26T11:55:00.001-07:00

Wow! It's been well over a month, since I last wrote. I apologize for my delay. Because my chosen industry has very slow & very busy times, I take to work when I can. During such times, when I am not working, I am sleeping, rather than writing. So allow me to catch you up on things...

Marianne Williamson Quote

2010-05-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Favorite Movie Quote

2010-05-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

When people wonder about my life & why I have not gotten more upset about my circumstances, this is my answer to them. “I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once & it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst & then I remember to relax & stop trying to hold onto it. Then, it flows through me like rain & I can’t feel anything but gratitude, for every single moment of my stupid little life.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9pCW7IIRO0

Top 20 Best Sellers

2010-05-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

"You give the best hugs"

2010-05-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

M & Beloved seemed to stay close, even though she changed her mind on seeing him romantically, although it is a bit uncomfortable now. M has been going through a court process that has taken a toll on her spirits. Beloved has been kind enough to comfort her, even giving her hugs at work. In response to a hug earlier in the day, M texted Beloved saying, "You give the best hugs". The text conversation then began to have sexual innuendos.

I thought the texts were inappropriate, considering the nature of their relationship now & Beloved agreed. He said he would mention to M that he feels uncomfortable with the flirtation, just as he had to do with F last year, when their romantic relationship failed, even though he was still working with her.

Dancing Again

2010-05-13T17:26:00.000-07:00

I recently heard from my old boyfriend, Q. We have the oddest relationship that started about 8 years ago, during my divorce process. Since then, we have lived together, unlived together, had bootie calls, not spoken for months, worked together, lusted after each other & hated each other.

I heard from him about a month ago. In his email he said, "I've got a bizarre naked painting/art project I am thinking of. It involves full nudity, latex paint, and canvas flats. I see it being anywhere from 4 hours to 8 hours depending upon how well it goes. I thought of you since you fit several requirements - first off in my experience you have no problem being nude, second you are buxom, and third you are a bit of a freak and it probably wouldn't offend you if I wanted to paint your body and then use it to "print" canvas. So let me know if you want to try this, I understand if you don't. I'm thinking Sunday around 5 or 6 PM or so."

My response was, "Your project sounds like a tremendous amount of fun & something I have never done before. It is also something intimate that should be done between friends. You & I have not connected as friends in a very long time. It would be very awkward for me & I will have to turn down your request. I hope you understand. Thanks again for the consideration. I am truly flattered."

The final correspondence on the matter came from him, when he said "Got it."

To say we had not connected as friends was a weird understatement. I work for him & we work together side by side regularly. However, during those times, he never says anything of a personal nature to me, not even asking how my weekend went. In addition, he never touches me in public, even as he is giving other women co-workers hugs. I just got sick of the split personality kind of thing, hence my polite, but cold response.

Then, three days ago he emailed me saying, "What are you doing Wednesday evening? I have a new grill I would like to break in." We actually made plans to have dinner at his house, with me leaving soon thereafter to work. However, our plans fell through, as a result of a business drama for him.

Q used to drive me nuts. However, because I am in a healthy polyamorous relationship, with Beloved, I have a wonderful reference for how a relationship should work. I no longer tolerate bad behavior from him. Yet, sometimes he still gets to me.

When Beloved asked what was going on in my head, when I thought about Q, I explained it this way. Men are like fine tuned instruments to me. I can easily make them do as I please, as they play fun music for me, like a jingle. The melody sticks in my head for a bit, as I enjoy their entertainment. However, once something else comes along, I lose interest.

Beloved is like "Ave Maria". I know every note & every word of the song in three languages. Every time I hear it, I cry. Although I know the song, He is simply beautiful.

When I think of Q, I search for the notes. I struggle to find them. Once every few months, I hear a cord. They are the most beautiful & intense five notes I have ever heard. I desperately try to find them again. I cannot, no matter how hard I try.

Beloved is predictable in his love for me. He is without a doubt the most compatible lover I have ever had. If I think about how much I love him, I cry. His beauty is intense & unyielding. I cannot figure out Q. He is unpredictable.

Beloved believes we are "not done". He says that I scare the bejeebus out of Q. However, neither he nor I can deny the energy that flows between us. We shall probably be dancing for a lifetime.

As you noticed, I have a tendency to equate people with some facet of music, whether lyrics or instruments. So, you can understand when I can easily see Q thinking the lyrics of this song, when he thinks of me:

Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

"Yeah, my mom used to do that all the time."

2010-05-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

In doing phone sex, I have the ability to block certain callers from contacting me in anyway, including by email. That has only occurred on one such occasion. I had a caller who wanted me to pretend to be a mother, holding down my 6-year-old daughter, so he could have sex with her.

After I told him I was very uncomfortable with the role-play & would not participate, I asked him some questions. I wanted to know if he had ever been molested as a child. Although he said no, I asked more specific questions, such as had any of his relatives ever touched his genitalia as a child, making him intentionally erect. He replied, "Yeah, my mom used to do that all the time."

I then went on to explain that a 6-year-old girl would not take any pleasure from having sex with a man, because the size of his penis would rip her open with a great deal of pain. He was stunned. It never occurred to him that a child would not enjoy having sex with him. Apparently he enjoyed the attention of his mother.

Because the phone sex system is double blinded (I do not have his number & he does not have mind), I would not be able to report him to any authorities.

Does phone sex become a stepping stone to other activities? Is it simply a vehicle for some to live out their fantasies? As a phone sex operator, do I have the moral & ethical obligation to report any illegal role-playing?

"No one ever loved you, as much as I did."

2010-05-08T16:17:00.000-07:00

My daddie finally died after battling Hodgkin's Lymphoma for 2 years. His death was perfect & beautiful.

My mother called me on Tuesday & warned me that she did not believe that he would make it until the weekend, when I was suppose to visit. I immediately caught the next train & saw him, within 6 hours of her phone call.

The only thing I could think of on the 4 hour train trip was what I would say to him on his death bed, as he awaited his next journey. I had the entire monologue memorized from the first sentence to the last kiss. On the trip, I had convinced myself, he would be laid out on his death bed, seemingly asleep, attached to gadgets, monitoring the life leaving his sickly body.

However, as usual, my daddie had his own thoughts in mind. When I saw him for the first time, he was sitting up & talking to my mother. He was hairless, pail, skinny in some places, bloated in his tummy.

My mother explained that his organs were shutting down one by one, with his kidneys going first. He had a catheter inserted into his penis, although he was unable to pee. Later on, I asked his nurse if there was any turning back. She said, "No", explaining that once the organs start to fail, the body cannot recuperate. He had less than a week to live.

All at once, she announced that she was going home to get some rest & I was requested to stay the night with my daddie. Without agreeing to her request, she quickly went over what monitors I should watch & why; telling me when I should call her. Then she promptly left.

I was scared. I had never been on a death watch. I had never been on a death watch for a person who was sitting up & talking to me from time to time. For the most part, daddie laid in a drug induced painless sleep. However, when he woke, he wanted to leave, pulling his thin cotton robe off & attempting to get out of bed, in order to return to his home. My goal was to keep him calm & comfortable. If I did it long enough, the drugs slowly wore off & he became lucid.

He spoke of life, death, triumphs, sorrows, & love. He never asked questions, only telling me his personal truths. He would be seeing his mother, father & sister; all of whom preceded him in their journeys.

Tears from both of us flowed from time to time. They were not the tears of sorrow, but the tears of recognizing a life well lived & well loved. The monologue I had memorized on the train disappeared from memory, as I listened carefully to what he had to say.

When the drugs wore off to the point he was in pain, I called his nurse. She lovingly gave him more medication & he would quickly fall asleep. I convinced myself that I could sleep, when he did. I was wrong. As much as I tried to get comfortable, I only heard his labored breathing &the beeps of his monitors.

Twelve hours slowly went by, along with many conversations on the joys of living & the madness of dying young. Child became the parent. Parent became wise man. Souls mingled.

At 8am, my mother & my daddie's sister returned to his side & told me to go home & rest. I did as they requested, knowing my daddie would be comforted should he wake. When I reached my parent's home, I fell fast asleep, until I jumped to my feet, when the phone rang.

My mother said my father would die soon. If I wanted to be there, I needed to leave immediately. Knowing I would be utterly devastated if I missed saying good-bye, I left.

I arrived at his hospital room, with him surrounded by love, facilitated by my mother & my aunt. He was pale, & seemingly lifeless, although he was indeed hanging on by a thread of life. That thread slowly began to unravel. Before my eyes, his breathing became shallow & almost unnoticeable. His expression grew peaceful, as though he was a child being held by his mother. My mother, a nurse too, unplugged his monitors one by one, as the tears ran down her face. She knew his time had come. To try & save him with drugs, was inhumane.

Within moments, his soul left his body. His nurse & my mother verifying that his journey had begun. His nurse, quietly left the room, giving us time to process his life & death. My mother spoke to him, saying "No one ever loved you, as much as I did." She then gently kissed him on his slightly blue lips & pale cheeks.

I began to cry. Not because my father's lifeless body lay before me, but because my mother just lost a part of her soul; her husband, best friend & lover of 40 years.

Kinky Lizzy

2010-05-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

"wall of love"

2010-05-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

I know this post will probably make a few angry, perhaps because I will step on a raw nerve. However, let me apologize in advance. I believe we try to make through the world the best way we know how. Therefore, there is no wrong or right lifestyle, unless it is not consensual. I am simply putting a concept on the table for an open conversation.

When I was a teenager, I read a book about Diane Downs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diane_Downs). One of the beliefs psychiatrists came up with, in order to explain the many children & pets she had was that she wanted to build “a wall of love” around her. The belief was that both children & pets have unconditional love for someone who takes care of them.

Recently, that term, “a wall of love”, came to mind again, when at a poly get together, we began to chat about a prominent member of the poly (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamorous) scene who was the focus point of several poly groups & seemed to have many poly partners, both real & made up. For example, one of the women at the party was also thought to be one of his partners. However, she confided that she had never had sex with the person in question, nor was she interested in him. We were all completely stunned, because the message the prominent member conveyed was that she was indeed one of his partners. Several weeks following that conversation, I was online, chatting with someone who actually had visited his house. She said he had so many dogs that it made the house uncomfortable for entertaining.

Further, I have seen profiles of people who are poly & have many biological children who are looking for more partners & interested in having more children.

The message conveyed to me, in both situations, was that they needed to surround themselves with people & perhaps animals, in order to give themselves the illusion of being loved, rather than actually feeling self-love & having it radiate from within their heart & souls outside to others.

Thoughts?

Pussy Line Up

2010-05-07T15:07:00.001-07:00

Beloved & I just had the funniest heated discussion about who ate pussy better, me or him. We said we could have a pussy line up & each of them could vote! In my head, I have a vision of women laying down, legs spread, with clipboards & a pen.

Cocks to Twats

2010-05-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

I am laughing at my daughter discovering that gay people are not a new fad, after she found out one of the characters on "The Tudors" prefers cocks to twats.

Teri Knox

2010-05-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

I have a huge crush on Teri Knox (www.knoxstar.com). I went on my first date with her last night & she made me all gooey inside. I love NRE (New Relationship Energy). You should be sure to see one of her shows in the near future. She will make you all gooey too!

Leg Cramp

2010-05-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love watching boys play with themselves. The look on their face is incredibly erotic & intense to me. So, while having sex with my Beloved recently, I suggested, he finish up by ejaculating on my tummy. As I watched my Beloved, an unusual look crossed his face. One that I had never seen before. However, in the arms of passion he continued undaunted. Then, not only did his face become contorted, so did his actions. His aim went haywire & he ended up giving my wall a facial as well as everything close to me, except for me. Finally, he collapsed from exhaustion & a leg cramp. It seems he was not into the whole "pain & pleasure" thing!

Attractiveness

2010-05-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

I had a boy send me an email, in regard to my adult sex classes. He said he was fit & attractive & wanted to know if he could be paired up with a girl. I always giggle when a boy assumes he is attractive to me. I find boys with bald heads, goatees, & hard medium sized tummies to be the most attractive. I am not into the fit boys!

Vibrating Anal Egg

2010-05-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite stories, involving my naughty adult toys is one involving a remote control anal egg. My two best girlfriends & I decided to have fun with a boy. We all got together one evening for dinner & a movie. We convinced the boy to slip the anal egg up his butt, before we left the house. It’s easy to convince a boy to do whatever we want, when he is getting the attention of three women.

Because the vibrating anal egg is operated by remote control, we were able to pass the controller amongst ourselves, without him knowing who had it. We had him wiggling at the best times, for example, when ordering our food. He had a very puzzling look on his face!

However, the best time happened when we got to the movie & we decided that every time someone on the screen said “yes”, the egg would be turned on. Ten minutes into the movie, the egg was activated, with the boy protesting. He said, “They said yeah, not yes!” We did not take kindly to that, so we changed the rules to whenever someone gave an affirmation of any kind, such as nodding the head, or saying “sure, okay, yes, yeah, I agree”, the egg would be turned on. As you can imagine, by the end of the night, the boy was going out of his mind.

When we returned home, the boy began to masturbate. However, he did not realize that his body had become so used to the vibrations of the anal egg that his hand would have absolutely no effect on his body. After giggling at him for several minutes, as he frantically tried to jerk off his flaccid cock, we let him in on our little secret.

We told him to take a little nap for an hour & relax. After doing so, we gave him the remote control. He immediately put it on its highest vibration & within a few short moments he had the most intense orgasm of his life!

Patience has its rewards!

Ferret Facial

2010-05-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, when Puppy, my long-haired chihuahua, was teenie tiny, I let him sleep in the ferret cage at night, with Compo & Tommy. They seemed to get along fine & enjoyed each other’s company in & out of the cage.

At one point I was sitting in the living room watching TV & I could hear a strange yelping noise coming from the general area of the cage. When I got up to see what the commotion was, everyone in the cage froze. I returned to my comfy couch. Several minutes later, I heard the same commotion. I quickly popped up again in order to find the source of the high pitched yelping. Again, everyone froze, when they saw me. Determined to find the reason, I decided the next time I heard the bizarre noise; I would quietly sneak over to the furries to get a glimpse of what was going on.

Several moments pass & I heard the noise again. I followed my plan of carefully moving towards the cage, without the ferrets & puppy noticing. That’s when, in disbelief, I found the cause of the commotion. Apparently, Puppy had decided to show Compo & Tommy who was in charge. In order to show his dominance, he was trying to screw the ferrets. However, because he did not know what the hell he was doing, rather than getting into the typical “doggie” position, he put his own spin on things. Puppy was boinking the ferret’s heads! In protest, the ferrets were biting Puppy’s teenie tiny little balls, with Puppy yelping in response to the pain. When I finally pulled Puppy off of Tommy, his face was covered in Puppy cum!

Sorry

2010-05-07T10:06:00.001-07:00

I am fascinated as to why people apologize to me so much. On a regular basis, I hear “Sorry about your arrest” or “Sorry about your father’s death”. Why would someone apologize to me for something they had nothing to do with & cannot control? Why do people seem to be focused on the negative, even when looking at someone else’s life? I actually find it a bit insulting. After all, I am incredibly happy. I would guess from all the people apologizing, I am happier than most others.

Stupid MILF

2010-05-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

In doing a website, for a whore, we were discussing marketing. I mentioned that she may want to bill herself as a MILF, because of her age. She paused a moment, as though she was pondering what I just said. She then looked at me & said, “What is a MILF?” A bit stunned, considering the term is so common, I said “It stands for Mother I Like to Fuck.” She paused again & said “Shouldn’t there be a 2 in there somewhere?” TRUE STORY!

Women are in control of sex. Men are controlled by sex.

2010-05-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

Women need a reason to have sex. They have sex for children, money, power or marriage. Once a woman has what she wants, she will stop having sex. On the other hand, men can procreate until the day they die & they will try. Women do not need sex to be healthy, men do. A woman can go years without even thinking about sex. However, a man needs it for his mental & prostate health.

What makes it even worst is that women need to feel attractive, in order to have sex. Men on the other hand, do not care. So, once a woman believes she is unattractive, as a result of getting older or heavier, she will stop having sex. Because she needs a reason to have sex, she will come up with all sorts of reasons not to, if she sees no need, such as complaining that she is menstruating, headaches, tiredness, etc.

I have come across this circumstance often in life. In talking privately with couples in my classes, I have told them to come up with a reason for her to have sex. Create a Honey Do List. Have the women create a list of everything she wants done, whether it’s fixing the ceiling fan or painting the house. For every task that is complete, the man gets a sexual activity. However, be sure that the activity matches the task, for example, anal intercourse for painting the house. I guarantee the house will be painted & the boy will be happy. It’s a win win situation.

If you are in the process of creating a lifetime partnership, either through marriage, hand fasting, or some other ceremony, make sure you tell your partner in advance the repercussions for withholding sex from you.

On the flip side, make sure you find out what she needs in order to have sex. If she needs to feel attractive, make sure you go out of your way to tell her how attractive is or give her a day at the spa to bolster her confidence. Go shopping with her, whether you like it or not, & help her pick out clothes that make her feel sexy, such as lingerie or whatever does it for her. Always communicate what is expected on both ends.

Remember if you want sex, you have to play the game.

“I don’t think that there’s anything worse than being ordinary.”

2010-05-07T10:00:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9pCW7IIRO0

Featured Adult Toy

2010-05-05T12:14:00.001-07:00

Thank you!

2010-05-05T11:27:00.001-07:00

Before I go any further in my blog, I would like to take this opportunity to think everyone who made me smile over the last 6 months. Without you, I would not be able to hold my head up high & be completely happy with who I am, without any regrets. Although this is going to sound very cheesy, your love & support of me is the elixir of my soul. Thank you for the quenching. Jeebus, my blood sugar just escalated!

I thought I had lost my mind!

2010-05-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

I had just finished pumping gas, when I hopped back into the car to start it. I COULD NOT FIND MY CAR KEY! I did just pull into the gas station. I did just have it in my hand, until I went to pump gas or was it all a dream?! I spent the next 10 minutes looking for it, as I pretended that I was still pumping gas, so the people around me did not think I HAD LOST MY MIND. Jeebus, I need a new keychain & a new brain.

Cock Control

2010-05-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of men out there who do have issues with erection control and/or premature ejaculation, and the good news is there is an answer for you. There are a few options for you to choose from, all with their own pros and cons, but all mostly pros! There isn't a reason you should have to experience an embarrassing encounter such as not being able to hold it any more and blowing your load way to early.

Why not try an erection controlling cock ring? These are made out of a strong material such as rubber or silicone, and are built to last! Tight fitting, these rings are placed on the penis while still limp, or just semi-erect, and slid down to the base of the shaft. Using lubrication for easy removal is a great idea. Then simply let your partner arouse you and get your penis hard, or use a penis pump, and the ring will jump into action.

How it works is the ring will only let blood flow one way, into the shaft. Blood not being able to escape will ensure you keep your penis hard and ready for intercourse. This can be quite dangerous if not done properly. If you use a penis pump, you can experience blood veins bursting inside the shaft, leading to bleeding and bruising. The ring also restricts oxygen flow to the penis, which can also be potentially harmful.

To avoid this and possibly other disasters, it is not advised to wear a very tight cock ring for more than 20 minutes during an entire session. This way you can have your ultra hard on, and reduce the risk of injury. It is a good idea to visit your doctor before using a cock ring if you are not sure about your risks.

Cock rings also help in avoiding premature ejaculation by squeezing the urethra and not letting semen flow through when you are close to an erection. This should not be used as a form of birth control, as some semen may slip through, and enter the vagina.

Another way of controlling ejaculating to soon is by using a prolonging cream. These delay creams contain the ingredient Benzocaine. Benzocaine is a widely used local anesthetic that slightly numbs the head of the penis, desensitizing it, and allowing the sensations of intercourse to not feel to intense.

Benzocaine is used in many topical pain killers, and with other ingredients in medical formulas. It numbs the penis by blocking some of the sensations and telling your brain it is not good enough to ejaculate yet! Benzocaine should not be used as a pain reliever for anal sex, as pain is your body's natural way of telling you something is not right, and numbing the pain and doing it anyway can lead to major damage. As far as anal sex is concerned, it should be pain-free, and if it is not, perhaps you need more time with small anal toys to train the muscles in the anus to enjoy the sensations.

Benzocaine delay lubricants come flavored, or odorless and tasteless or with added ginseng for a stronger effect. An alternative to Benzocaine is Yohimbe, which is a natural ingredient found in the bark of the West-African Evergreen. This alkaloid is used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction, and has traditionally been used as an aphrodisiac. This ingredient is natural and a great alternative to Benzocaine.

Whatever your method, erection control and premature ejaculation can be treated and avoided easily, safely and quickly. Try different methods and see which one works best for you. Consult a physician before using a product or sex toy you are unfamiliar with and may potentially be dangerous, such as penis pumps for erection control.

Penis Pumps For Penis Enlargement

2010-05-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Many think penis pumps to be one of two things: a wave of the future, or the most dangerous thing you can do to your favorite bits. Well, in reality penis pumps fall into both of these categories, but mostly in between. Penis pumps have helped many men, but can be very dangerous if not used properly. With some simple care and no overuse, penis pumps may be successful for you in more ways than one.

To get one messy theory out of the way, penis pumps do not really give you “more length”. This is pretty much impossible to do without painful surgery and months of recuperation. Instead what they do is help you get a raging hard on! So for men who have a hard time getting an erection in the first place, or for men who want a slightly larger erection than your natural erection, penis pumps are one of the most helpful tools.

So to use a penis pumps, always follow the instructions provided with your pump. Before you beginning using your penis pumps, it is best to massage and stretch your penis for 3-5 minutes to get it warmed up and ready to go. A warm body, penis and scrotum will pump easier and safer, and the blood will flow easier. It is always easier if you lubricate your penis before beginning, this way when you go to remove your penis from the pump, it will slide out easily and not pull painfully.

Next, slide your penis in to the plastic tube, and make sure the seal at the base is secured and air locked around the base of your penis. Do not insert your testicles into the pump, as they are not part of the pumping process! Begin pumping slowly; no pain or discomfort should be felt when pumping. Once again, read your instructions to know what pressure you should pump to. You should always use the minimum amount of pressure needed to reach your erection.

Only pump until you have reacher an erection slightly larger than your natural erection, but be careful. Improper use of a penis pump can result in rupturing blood vessels under the skin or inside the shaft of the penis, which can lead to hemorrhaging and other medical conditions. If ANY discoloration or major pain should be experienced, see a medical professional straight away.

If you follow the instructions and never exceed the minimum pressure you need to reach your erection, everything should work fine, and you should be able to enjoy a rockin' hard on! 99% of penis pumps will come with a quick release valve for added safety. Once you are finished pumping, simply push the quick release valve to release the pressure.

Some penis pumps are simple, and some have fancy additions, like a vibrating tongue at the top that will tickle your head while you pump, getting you way more aroused for intercourse. These little added functions are a great addition to any pump, but do not interferer with the pumping process.

Enjoy your new penis pump, and never forget to read the instructions fully before beginning. Make sure you wash your pump thoroughly as to not grow bacteria in the tube. Also, discontinue use and see a medical professional if any discomfort, pain, swelling or discoloration should be a result of use. Have fun and love your new, bigger erection.

The History of Dildos in America

2010-05-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

Since the beginning of recorded time the most common health complaint among women was ‘hysteria’, a medical term used to describe a woman in mental or emotional distress and a condition that was thought to be in need of immediate treatment.

To treat the so-called ailment, doctors and midwives massaged the genitals to "hysterical paroxysm," as the orgasm was scientifically termed, to release held-back energies.

The procedure was performed in doctor’s offices, health spas, and the home as a standard medical procedure.

In the mid-1600’s Doctors recommended the following treatment for hysteria:

"...massage the genitalia with one finger inside using oil of lilies, musk root, crocus or [something] similar. And in this way the afflicted woman can be aroused to paroxysm (orgasm)…most especially for widows, those who live chaste lives, and religious females...it is less often recommended for very young women, or married women, for whom it is a better remedy to engage in intercourse with their spouses."

19th century religious proscriptions against self-masturbation meant that Doctors or midwives rather than the individual performed the stimulation. Most doctors did it because they felt it was their duty, but considered it a chore, as manual massage was fatiguing and slow, taking up to an hour to ‘complete’ the procedure.

Beginning in the early 1800’s, Doctors designed many other procedures for arousing women and alleviating the symptoms of ‘hysteria’ for a time including rocking chairs, a swing, and vehicles that bounced the patient rhythmically on her pelvis. It appears however that the women of the day had the problem well in hand.

By 1870 the gentle Doctors got on the right track with a wind-up vibrator made available to both spas and physicians. Obviously no woman was interviewed during the design stage as in field trials it had a tendency to run down before the treatment was complete.

Shortly after the wind up vibrator fiasco, vibrator development took another distinctly male design turn when an American physician patented the "Manipulator" - a steam-powered massage and vibratory apparatus. He warned that patients should be careful to avoid over-manipulation.

Finally, in the 1880’s a British physician invented the electromechanical vibrator for use as a medical instrument issuing in the golden years for dildos. Other physicians followed suit with contraptions intended to serve as vibrators. Articles and textbooks on vibratory massage technique praised the machine's versatility for treating nearly all diseases in both sexes and saving physicians’ time and labor. These vibrators reduced the time of "getting there" from up to an hour to approximately 10 minutes.

By the end of the 19th century, some doctors were advising women to come in for such treatments once a week.

In an effort to better serve the patient, convenient portable models become available, permitting house calls. Vibrators had come of age as an accepted health and relaxation aid.

The electric vibrator was invented right after the electric sewing machine, fan, teakettle and toaster, and before the electric vacuum cleaner, the electric iron and the electric fry pan.

The Home Needlework Journal advertised its line of vibrators with the slogan "all the pleasures of youth will throb within you."

As the market became more competitive, ad copy for vibrators was coy and ambiguous. "Be a glow getter," one package insert suggests. And who wouldn't be tempted to experience "that delicious, thrilling health-restoring sensation called vibration," when assured that "it makes you fairly tingle with the joy of living"?

The Sears and Roebuck & Company Electric Goods catalog promotes a vibrator attachment for a home motor that also drives attachments for churning, beating, buffing and fan operating America’s housewives had all but eliminated long bouts of ‘hysteria’ when 1920 Stag films started using vibrators as props. Orgasm without penetration! The vibrator's era as a medical appliance had ended. Advertisements for vibrators gradually disappeared from respectable publications as vibrators transgressed to becoming sex toys.

1960s: Vibrator re-emerges and is openly marketed as a sex aid. It is quite astounding that in the 1970’s Medical authorities still assured men that a woman who does not reach orgasm during sexual coitus was flawed or suffering from some physical or psychological impairment. It wasn’t until the 1990s that research showed that more than half of all women, possibly more than 70 percent, do not reach orgasm by means of penetration alone.

Vibrators are now a big business; after all, as a vintage advertisement claims, "almost like a miracle is the miraculous healing force of massage when rightly applied."

Men & Fish

2010-05-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

"Men," I said with a self deprecating sigh, "are like fish. You can cast the same lure at them over and over again, making it wiggle and jiggle and they will go for it every single time. They'll swallow it hook line and sinker--unless they somehow manage to lose their appetite."

~Ed Wolfstaag

"the stupidity of some girls "

2010-05-05T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am stunned at the stupidity of some girls in the sex worker industry. Through the grapevine, I heard that a sex worker wanted to visit me at my former residence, because she had questions about a domain name that I own. This is the same sex worker who was listed in my arrest report, although she was not arrested along with me. However, her previous arrest for prostitution, stage name, full name, address, birth date, driver’s license number, & license plate number were listed in the report.

She wants to see me in person? You have got to be friggin’ joking! No only am I going to avoid her like the plague, I will make sure I never have contact with her again. You would think after being arrested once in 2002 & then popping up on someone else’s arrest report she would take it as a sign from the universe that she should drop out of the industry. However, she obviously sees it as a challenge & continues to use her original stage name. To top it all off, she wants to associate with me, in order to get a stupid domain name!

The Woodhull Freedom Foundation and Federation (WFF)

2010-05-05T07:12:00.001-07:00

The Woodhull Freedom Foundation and Federation (WFF) work through research, advocacy, and public education to affirm sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

We address laws, government policies, and corporate practices that restrict sexual freedom and discriminate against people on the basis of their consensual sexual expression.

The Foundation addresses these issues through research and public education, while the Federation conducts strategic advocacy campaigns.

The global perspective of the Foundation and Federation relies on research and analysis of laws, judicial decisions and enforcement practices.

Through education, we seek to mobilize diverse communities, write model legislation, build alliances, and change public attitudes to advocate for the sexual rights and responsibilities of all.

Specifically:

We educate the public on the importance and value of sexual freedom and counter the arguments of groups seeking to restrict sexual rights;
We advocate for decriminalization and social acceptance of consensual sexual expression;
We seek to change antiquated, repressive and discriminatory sex laws and enforcement practices;
We advocate for freedom of speech and artistic expression on sexual themes;
We promote the empowerment of people to take control of their bodies and their sexuality;
We support legal action to overturn court decisions adverse to sexual freedom and privacy rights, and we work to affirm and expand decisions, like Lawrence v. Texas, that support sexual freedom and privacy;
We oppose abstinence-only sex "education" and endorse an age-appropriate, comprehensive approach to sex education; and
We seek to protect and foster scientific research on sexuality.

http://www.woodhullfoundation.org

Say it with me, “ARRESTED”.

2010-05-05T07:08:00.001-07:00

Why is it that people have a hard time saying the word “arrested”? I have run across many people in person & online, who I knew me before my arrest. Each of them has used terms like “bad luck” & “hard time”. In my head I am thinking, “I was arrested. It’s not a dirty word & nothing I am ashamed of. I was arrested. Say it with me, “ARRESTED”. Being arrested just means I get to move on & do things that I have only dreamed about. Arrested means awakening!

Lesson Learned

2010-05-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

I ran into a very interesting conversation online last night. Through one of my high school reunion profiles, my brother’s best friend from high school found me.

He mentioned he has a crush on me, when I was a teenager, & wondered if I had ever liked him. I was stunned, because as a teenager, I was awkward & very uncomfortable with myself. Obviously, he was too, if he had a crush on me. I am certain I echoed something he saw in himself.

As always, the conversation turned sexual. I am not sure why that happens, as I do not bring up the topic, unless prompted. He wanted to know what I was “into”. Earlier in the conversation, I found out he was getting married in a few weeks & I refused to answer his question, until he had gone through with the ceremony. In my head I was thinking, “I am into everything your wife is not.”

I had the same conversation with a boy a few years ago. However, I shared with him my sexual kinks the week before he got married. It was a huge mistake. After talking with me online for a few days, he decided to call off his wedding. Later I learned it was because of the conversations I had with him, as well as some other personal reasons.

I felt really really bad about the situation & learned a valuable lesson.

Dungeon Psychology & Money

2010-05-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

Summer is the slow time for every facet of the sex industry. From phone sex to professional dungeons to escorts, every one with a wallet seems to be on vacation with the family.

The only long term downfall in the industry I noticed was right after 9/11. Well, at least for escorts. In terms of professional dungeons, their business increased. My thoughts are escorts are a luxury. However, domination is a necessity for many. Many people in positions of authority enjoy professional dungeons. For them, ecstasy is releasing control to someone else. The dungeon I worked in got a huge boost in revenue from police, military, & politicians who were stressed from the terrorist attacks. They NEEDED to go to the dungeon, in order to find relief.

Compliment

2010-05-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful compliment written about me. A boy said, “Your blog is complex, but I like it. Very honest. You speak from an enlightened point of view. I've never seen a blog like yours, a kind of bodhisattva, wandering among the mortals for sport and amusement. Nothing to catch, kill, or screw. Yours is the all seeing, the gaze of oneness. Shine on.” It feels really good to be adored. When I am having an icky day, I will remember the compliment.

Fetish Experiment

2010-05-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated with why some people develop fetishes. A true fetish is an item or action that MUST be present, in order for someone to have an orgasm. Most people do not have a true fetish. They have an intense love for something. I call them connoisseurs. However, they can still have an orgasm, without the object or action.

Whenever I find someone with a true fetish, I want to know how it became such a part of their make-up. For example, I knew a boy who could only have sex if his partner had on silk stockings. He even masturbated with them around his cock, if he did not have the luxury of having a partner. We tried other things. However, he became frustrated. He said he became hooked on silk stockings, because his first sexual experiences were with an older woman who only wore silk stockings. After that, he requested that his other sexual partners were those same items. They complied.

I wanted to see if I could change the way his brain functioned. Kind of like the reverse of creating a pavlovian reaction. Progressively, we changed the kind of stockings we used, going from silk to nylon to cotton. Then, we changed the article, going from pantyhose to scarves to blouses. Finally, I used them all. His body seemed to remember pleasurable things from all of the items, rather than just one. In the end, he could have an orgasm, because he was in contact with the sheets on the bed. He said the orgasm was much more extreme, because the item could be touching him from head to toe!

I wonder if this technique is used in other psychological ways.

Elvira: Mistress of the Vibrator

2010-05-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I was teaching a female masturbation class. In the class 20-40 women gather to learn how to masturbate with different techniques & toys. Yes, I know that sounds absurd. However, there is a large population of older women who have never had an orgasm.

In one of my classes, I met the very magnificent Elvira. No, not the one from TV. When I start the class, I get everyone into a large circle. They are surrounded by pillows & comforters. I hand out brand new sex toys still in the package, along with their matching batteries. I then get naked, telling the students that although my body is not perfect, it is a wonderful thing that I am not ashamed of. It’s my hope that they will get undressed too, although that is not a requirement.

In one class, before I had turned around, Elvira was completely naked & already riding her toy, telling me we should “get with it”, because she was about to blow. Her eyes got huge, a vein popped out in the middle of her forehead, she began to shake & hold her breath. I told her she would not have an orgasm easily, if she did not breathe. So, I started to breathe with her, in hopes she would relax. After some time, she did relax & her first orgasm of her life took place right before my eyes. It was incredible. Elvira, exhausted from her journey, curled up in the corner, under the heating lamps to fall asleep with her endorphins. Later she was heard snoring!

Several weeks went by & I got a phone call from George. George explained that his wife, Elvira, has recently attended one of my classes. Remembering her, I immediately asked how she was doing. He said she had become a miserable bitch that could not be tolerated & it was my entire fault. When I asked him why, he explained that ever since she attended one of my classes, she refused to let George touch her sexually, instead she only plays with her toys.

Disappointed, I suggested that George have a conversation with his wife, requesting that he be allowed to play with her too. I also recommended that he remove a few batteries here & there, & give them back to her in a playful matter, when she allowed him to play too. He said he would try & he hung up.

Two hours later, I got a very angry phone call from Elvira. She called me all sorts of awful names, telling me she was going to kill her husband for taking ALL of her batteries. I finally convinced her to allow a three way telephone conversation. Once I got both of them on, I coaxed them into playing nicely. Three months later, they both attended one of my couple’s classes.

Photography & Drugs

2010-05-05T06:14:00.000-07:00

I now have two phone sex characters. One is a teenager & dominant. The other is in her mid twenties & submissive. I have to be very careful that each of them has their own voice, stories, laugh, phrases & personality or I will get them confused. On a regular basis, the same boy will call both characters. I would hate to disappoint a boy, knowing he figured out that we are the same person. So far, it has not happened.

The boys, on the other hand, repeat the same fantasies over & over. I had one today who went over the same fantasy he has had for the last 5 years. He wants to role-play being a wedding photographer who seduces one of the bridesmaids, after the wedding. He promises her professional photography & she promises him a blowjob. Gratefully, it’s just a traditional blowjob.

I had another boy who called & wanted to juice me up with every drug imaginable, before he fucked me. He must be really screwed up psychologically if even in his dreams, his partner has to be drugged up in order to appreciate him!

Can we "hang out" sometime?

2010-05-05T06:12:00.000-07:00

I really have to get used to the thought of people believing that because I am available online that I am also available to just “hang out”. I am flattered of course. However, I find it odd that in the first five minutes of an online conversation, people want to meet me in person. I would never even consider asking such a personal thing of someone, without speaking to them online for several months. Am I missing something? Is it standard manners to think that everyone is available to everyone on the net?

A Seed

2010-05-05T06:10:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine wrote this beautiful poem. It gave me chills, when I read it. I loved it so much; I ask to add it to my blog, with his website link attached. He approved the poem, but not the website link. I think he is a bit shy. Perhaps your comments will give him some confidence.

Silvery sparkles and swept back wings

I hunger as I think of dirty things

So delicate, so sweetly svelte

My appetite is whetted and deep desire felt

I want you more than I can say

But yet you giggle and dance away

Growling, yes, I gnash my teeth

Fettered and restrained, I'm just a beast

So succulent and dancing near

You tease me more, but I feel your fear

My tongue lolls out in a feral grin

Like the big bad wolf, I want in

Dance my pretty, prance and sway

Dance upon my web of silver-gray.

As you come closer, so nervous and tense

I chuckle and retreat towards my defense

You can't touch me I call with a tease

You can't bring me to my knees

Ah, you come closer and closer still!

Instead of pacing back, now I grow still.

With predators eyes and a wanton lust

Oh such luscious legs and swelling bust

I want you with such a rampant desire

It burns me inside like wildfire

I see you pause and study me

But the more you look, the more I preen

Look at me! So massive, so thick

Yet crouched and still, could this be a trick?

You know that you should back away

Ah, but curiosity makes you stay

Softly but steadily you draw oh so near

I am trembling, but what could it be--fear?

Fear of you? Oh my pretty no way!

Tis desire and your thighs I crave!

To taste you and inhale your smell

You are the devil of my private hell

You have taunted me hour after hour

And watched me stare with a lusty glower

Yet there you are so close and delicious

I shudder with lust, my grin turns vicious

Though you are poised to flee I want to pounce!

And devour your every tasty ounce

You know what I want, oh yes you do

But I don't sense the same want in you.

To you I am nothing but a freak

A curiosity, a beastly nose to tweak

What do you want I savagely howl

I must have you and have you now!

With a tinkling laugh you dart away

Your trap is ruined! Ruined! You say

But is it dear? How could you know?

Did you escape or did I let you go?

As you run and flit and flee

Do you really think you have escaped me?

A seed of wonder, a seed of curiosity

Is planted deep in your subconscious needs

A thing of longing, of desperate wanton desire

It will ignite Lust's flames with a searing fire

It will grow and grow and begin to feed

And then my dear, you'll come back for ME.

written by "spin"

Insight from an ex

2010-05-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

I asked my ex-boyfriend what conversation I should have with any suitors, before I begin a relationship with them. I am sorry; he prefers that I call him a lover, verses ex-boyfriend. He said I should tell them the following:

"Look, I like you and all, but there are a few things you should know. I am extremely emotionally disassociated from other people and do not enjoy, nor do I want to learn to enjoy, deep emotional connections. Based on my past experience, it is highly likely that if we continue, you will find me interesting, fascinating, exotic, and entertaining. This has led people to fall in love with me. Because I am outgoing, friendly, and expressive in my interest in other people, they tend to interpret this as having a great deal more meaning to me than it does to them. This is not the case. It is HIGHLY unlikely that I will fall in love with you, and even if that highly unlikely event should occur, I would still DEFINATELY move on to someone else within the next two to three years."

FACINATING...

Friends

2010-05-05T06:05:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, someone asked me what kind of neighborhood I grew up in. Was it all white or multiracial? I paused for a moment & realized I did not have a clue. I could remember names & events, smells & laughter, but I could not describe the colors of my friends. When I mentioned that to my mother, she went into her favorite hording closet & returned with a small picture. In it was a group of grinning children, with my brother & me in the center. We couldn’t be more than four & five-years-old. Surrounding us was a sea of brown faces. Black, Asian, Hispanic, & suntanned white children. I now realize at the time, it did not matter what color our friends were. It only mattered who could run the fastest, throw the furthest, climb the highest, & read the best. We were simply friends without a color.

Fun Activities

2010-05-05T06:03:00.001-07:00

Anal Play- An introduction to pleasing your woman through anal play. This guide walks through ways to pleasure her analy without pain, as well as explaining the more common anal toys.

Cunnilingus- In this day and age, most women expect their partner to not only give head, but to give it well. This article explores exercises and techniques to make you give better oral sex.

Erogenous Zones- Pleasuring her body is like playing a musical instrument. Although there are infinitely many ways to play it, you need to know where and when to touch to make it sound / feel good. This article covers the most common erogenous zones, and how to pleasure them.

Female Ejaculation- Some say it is merely a myth, but those who have experienced it will disagree. This article explains the confusion, the theory behind how it works, and tips on how you can experience it yourself!

Fingering Techniques- Although the old "just stick it in" approach "gets the job done", it certainly won't keep her coming back for more. This article contains a list of techniques to maximize her pleasure, and keep her begging for more.

G Spot- The legendary G Spot... Where it is, how to find it, and how to exploit it.

Vaginal Massage- An introduction to exploring her vagina with your hands.

Skin Hunger

2010-05-05T05:53:00.000-07:00

I was recently chatting with a friend online & I mentioned that Beloved is a touch slut. He said that he had “skin hunger”. Then, he sent me this wonderful link.

Skin hunger (thing)

(all of Skin hunger, there are 2 more in this node)

(thing) by arianne (2.2 mon) (print)

? (I like it!)

Thu Jan 29 2004 at 23:33:09

C! info: 10 C!s given by: Chris-O, etouffee, Chras4, Mitchevious, Morgon77, LaggedyAnne, izubachi, dannye, Lometa, Myrkabah

A XXX film by Michael Zen starring Jeanna Fine and Lisa Ann. Sorry, no review here. If that's what you are looking for, you know where to go.
From the 2 words, skin and hunger, it describes the desire or craving to be touched, usually from a long period of deprivation.

Skin hunger is a relatively new term that has been applied to the emotional response engendered by the loss of touch in our society. One of the five basic senses, touch is the only one deemed essential to human life. During WW II babies in orphanages developed Failure to thrive or even died when deprived of human contact. In a classic study by Harry Harlow, newborn monkeys were taken from their biological mothers and given surrogates made of either wire or soft terry cloth. The baby monkeys consistently chose the soft mother even when deprived of nourishment. The need for bonding outweighed even the basic necessity of food.

The need for touch extends beyond the early developmental years. It is the first sense to develop in utero and the last to diminish as we die. Babies and children with loving parents are cuddled and kissed and touched. As a child ages he seeks to become more independent and may even resist too much lovin'. How many of us parents have mourned the day our children became too big to sit in our laps anymore? Boys, especially, are discouraged from showing too much affection. To be a man means to be strong and stoic and emotion is deemed a sign of weakness.

Adolescence is a time of self discovery and growing sexual awareness. As kids grow into teens they may seek sexual intimacy even when not emotionally ready because the need for touch is so strong. How many girls have had sex prematurely when all they really wanted was to be held? Compounding the problem, many parents will decrease physical contact with their teens because of fears of inappropriateness.

Maturing into adults we face a world that explodes with sexual images but discourages more than a friendly nod or a handshake in public. Sexuality is OK but intimacy is not.

The elderly, the disabled and the very ill, aka the "Untouchables", are at greatest risk of touch deprivation. Living in isolated homes, the elderly and the disabled often have limited mobility and fears of victimization may prevent their venturing out. People with a terminal illness like HIV may have very little contact with another human being due to inherent fears of the disease. Although not as fulfilling as human contact, a pet may provide the bonding and comfort needed.

Americans, especially, suffer from a lack of intimacy with each other. Following a research project on touch around the world, social scientists rated the United States and Great Britain among the lowest touch countries studied. The "warmer" high-touch countries included Spain, France, Italy, and Greece.

Tiffany Field, Director of Touch Research Institutes at the University of Miami, feels touch is essential to how we learn, feel and think. A study conducted by Field compared the interaction of mothers and their children at playgrounds and McDonalds in Miami and Paris. The Parisian mothers touched their children far more often than their American counterparts. In addition, the French children displayed much less aggression than the American children.

The power of touch pervades all areas of our society. Salesmen may use a light touch to influence a potential client into a sale. Waitresses have been found to receive larger tips if they subtly touch a patron.

But the most well known association to touch is healing. The bible often makes reference to the "laying on of hands" to heal the sick. The word surgeon has its roots in the Greek word kheirourgos meaning "hand healer".

The modern healing touch can be found in different types of body work including massage, rolfing or reike, among others. Therapeutic massage is the most well known and accepted method of healing sore and injured muscles, reducing pain as well as imparting a feeling of relaxation and good will to the client. People experiencing skin hunger may often seek out massage just to satisfy their craving for touch.

What has led us to be so touch deprived?

Four trends in our society take most of the blame:

Technology

The age of technology has allowed us to interact with others around the world via satellites microchips but has dehumanized our daily lives. In a recent poll Americans rated the cell phone as the device they hate the most, but can't live without. We interact more with our time-saving devices than we do with each other. and

Children of busy mothers may often be "surrounded by plastic". From the day care center to the home environment, infants are "contained" in car seats, strollers and playpens. When mom is too tired or busy to attend to them, children may be plunked in front of the electronic babysitter, the TV. Contrast this to the child who is held all day, snuggled close in a baby carrier, or has the opportunity to interact and play freely with his environment.

Disconnected lifestyles

Urbanization, two career families and the loss of the extended family have led us to isolation.

Husband and wives, caught up in work and family obligations, are often too exhausted to give each other the affection needed. A recent Newsweek cover story focused on the "so-called epidemic of low-sex or no sex marriages in America."¹

We rarely know our neighbors or live close to parents and grandparents. We are suspicious of strangers and carefully guard our personal space when we meet new people. Only in small cities and towns in America do you find the connectedness and community needed to "keep in touch".

A Litigious Society

Touching someone can be a federal offense these days. With the new sexual harassment laws many people are afraid to extend a warm hug or a friendly touch. In addition, with the increase in child molestation, we must guard our children's safety and teach them the difference between good and bad touching. Unfortunately for our children, that means their caregivers must be especially guarded in showing them affection, even when appropriate. The media

Relaxed morals in mass media portray an unrealistic view of sexuality and relationships which can lead to inappropriate behavior and desires. We want what we see on the silver screen even if it is unattainable, further feeding our skin hunger.

To touch is to be human. It makes us feel valued and cared for. However, everyone is not comfortable with being touched. Some cultures and religions forbid touching someone other than a family member. When first meeting someone, take a clue from how they react to others and you will know if it is OK to approach. Just a pat on the shoulder or a touch on the hand is a caring gesture.

Now that you know how important it is, "reach out and touch someone" today!

Sources:

1.http://news.mysanantonio.com/story.cfm?xlc=1039939
http://www.extendicare.com/consumer/article35.htm

Phone Sex Blow Jobs

2010-05-04T10:29:00.000-07:00

Without a doubt the favorite thing boys like to do on the phone is get a good blow job. I have done it so many that I actually have a running script in my head. It’s gotten to the point that if you interrupt me, I have to consciously think about where I was, so I do not start up again & duplicate what I have said. Yeah, I know. I am a naughty phone whore. However, this blow job is golden & has gotten well over 500 boys blowing their load all over their receiver. Who would give up such a money making goldmine?

Monogamy in Marriage

2010-05-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

"Poor people sleep in the same bed; middle class people sleep in different rooms, rich people sleep in different cities."

An orgasm for a man is simply a way for him to stay healthy. It's a physical release that will sooth his body with endorphins. There is really nothing more to it than that. Have you ever been around a guy who hasn't cum in a while? Talk about a mean son-of-a-bitch! Hold that man down & whack him off.

I know that most men are not monogamous. I also know that most women change the marriage contact, after they have been with their spouse for a while. When a man agrees to marriage, he is essentially agreeing to what currently exists at the time of the accepted proposal. Yes, he knows that his wife will grow older. However, he believes that the sex drive she currently possesses will continue. When a woman agrees to marriage, whether she knows it or not, she is agreeing to the same thing. Then, after a while, she cuts way back on the sex. However, she expects her partner to continue to remain monogamous. It doesn't happen. Men need sex to be healthy. By denying a partner sex on a regular basis a woman is denying him his health. So, a man will seek out a sex worker to help him maintain his health. What drives me nuts is when a woman finds out that her spouse has been unfaithful & complains that he has broken the marriage vows. In reality, she was the first to break the marriage contract. Go figure!

Women, how do you keep your partner faithful? FUCK HIM! Fuck him up, down, all around, & in every room of your house. Figure out his kinks & use them against him. Shove things up his ass, if he likes that. Do things to him that no one else on the planet will do. Make yourself indispensable!

Sex in Marriage

2010-05-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Often wives make the mistake of believing that sex shouldn't be important in a marriage. Get over it, Honey! Sex is a form of communication. It says you are completely comfortable with your husband, because you are uninhibited. More importantly, it says that you enjoy giving your husband pleasure. If you are not communicating, by not having sex, then you will certainly begin not communicating in other realms of your relationship, such as money, children, & employment. Don't make the mistake in believing sex should not be important to a marriage. It's one of the most important things!

Transgenders

2010-05-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love transgenders. From a pagan viewpoint, they have both male & female spirits. Many people are confused with the qualities of a transgender. A transgender is anyone who crosses the traditional boundaries of a typical person. A bisexual man is considered transgendered, because he is having sex with men.

When most people think of transgenders, they think of transsexuals. While they are part of the equation, there are others. First, a cross dresser is typically a man, who likes to dress in women's clothing. However, he does not want to be a woman. Next, a transvestite is a man who dresses like a woman & wants to be a woman. Then, a preoperative transsexual is a man who wants to be a woman & has taken the steps to become a physical woman. Finally, a post operative transsexual is a man who has already taken the steps to be a physical woman, through surgery.

My favorite variation is a preoperative transsexual. There is nothing more erotic than a chick with a dick. My favorite experience with a transsexual was with a lovely creature who was fucking me in the missionary position, while I was sucking her tits. How delicious!

Strong Woman's Philosophy

2010-05-04T10:17:00.001-07:00

No man defines who I am; I will be the person I believe myself to be. I am my own best friend and strongest supporter.

No person defines how I feel, I am not a victim. I will decide how to respond to all situations and every hardship I face.

If you don't treat me well, or with the respect that is due me, I will leave. I am a person worthy of love and dignity.

You will not determine who I am or what I am. I decide those things, and I will stand by my decision.

Being strong is not something to be ashamed of. It is what I am, what I strive to be.

No man, no woman, no person, will make me feel less than what I am. I am capable of great love, great compassion, and great things. No one can take my future away from me.

I need never submit my self-respect to any person. If you feel nothing for me, it doesn't matter. I love myself. That is what is important. Others will follow.

I am a woman to be respected and reckoned with. I will live my life with integrity and with the strength that I know I am capable of. When I waiver, I know I have reserves that will help lift me to the task.

I am a person of value and a person with meaning in this world. My life has worth. No one can take that from me.

I make a difference in this world. I believe that I serve a purpose.

I am here for a pre-determined amount of time. I will do my utmost to fulfill that purpose and I pray that I will do it to the best of my ability. You do not want to be the person to try to stop me from fulfilling that goal.

My life is worth living simply as the person I am. I give this life meaning that no one else can give in the same way that I can. I am here for a reason.

* This is not my work. If you know the author, please send me her information. Thanks!

Dolphins Dancing

2010-05-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Sometime ago, I was in the car talking to a friend, when he made reference to a previous conversation in which we discussed dolphins. I was a bit puzzled, because I didn’t ever remember discussing dolphins with him. When I asked for more details, he replied, “You know when you have sex, you release dolphins?” I replied, “Dolphins? You mean endorphins?!”

Can you say, "What time is it", in Japanese?

2010-05-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

When I was in college, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. To get him back, I snuck into his apartment, with a set of spare keys, & telephoned the time in Japan & left it off the hook for 13 days. The bill was well over $3K! He never asked me about it.

Teenie Weenie Cock Humiliation

2010-05-04T06:08:00.001-07:00

What is is about phone sex & boys who want to discuss how little their penis is? Teenie Weenie Cock Humiliation is one of my favorites calls to do. It's easy to humiliate them, because it's difficult to stop laughing. It's hard to stop laughing not because they DO have small cocks, but because you can hear them on the other side of the line getting all hot & bothered, stroking their little worms furiously, as you tell them how much of a looser they are. It's just damn silly!

Last night a boy from the midwest called & explained he was stuck in a small town, with a strip club within walking distance of his hotel. He was teased by the the strippers because they would not look at his little cock. He NEEDED someone to tell him he was a looser for having such a small appendage. He went into great detail, describing his fully erect 4" knob. That was it; I started laughing immediately.

I wanted to know if he had a bow on his cock, so he did not loose it. I wanted to know if he had a gut, which prevented him from seeing his little friend. I wanted to know if he could find it in the night. I wanted to know if girls laughed at him, when they saw it. I wanted to know if he would take a picture of it, so I could post it on my website.

I wanted to know if he realized I just raped his wallet for $50, as he sat in a dark, lonely, & low buget hotel room, cover in his own cum!? I wanted to know if life could be more fun or easy.

"I drink you in."

2010-05-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

When I gave Beloved a big kiss & thanked him for tolerating me, he responded "I don't just tolerate you. I embrace you. I jump in. I immerse myself & I drink you in." I LOVE that. I think I will paint it on my wall.

"You'll get lots of hugs."

2010-05-04T06:02:00.000-07:00

Beloved woke up this morning & put on a horrible pee/puke green collared shirt. He mentioned it would be retired soon, because it had a hole in it, in addition to it now being too short. I said, "You should wear it anyway. You'll get lots of hugs, because they'll think you're retarded." He promptly took it off...damn.

Instant Messenger Curiosity

2010-05-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated as to why people make the effort to contact a stranger on their instant messenger, just because they popped up on their buddy list. I have had that happen a dozen times, since I opened up my messenger, since my hiatus. They want to know who I am & how I got on their buddy list. I am thinking, “If you do not know, then why are you asking me?” I just find it a bit curious & rude. What they are basically saying, without saying it, is “You are not important enough for me to remember.”

It’s just a matter of time.

2010-05-04T05:53:00.000-07:00

I have had a few people ask how I got caught. That’s simple. I did a website for a girl who prostituted herself to an undercover police officer. In the court papers, it says “During the conversation *whore #36* also told me companionship was full service. I asked her if blow-jobs were with a condom & she stated she does not use a condom for that. She states she only uses a condom if she has a cut in her mouth.” That was it. Done deal.

If you are in the industry, as a whore, you are eventually going to get caught, by friends, family or law enforcement. There is no doubt in my mind. It’s just a matter of time. You can do all you wish to try & prevent it, but it will happen. It’s the cost of doing business. You are paid a huge amount for very little, so an inconvenience such as an arrest should not bother you too much, unless you prefer not to be outted to the entire world. Then, you may want to reconsider. Save your money & your dignity for that very fateful day.

What the hell is wrong with you?”

2010-05-04T05:49:00.000-07:00

Recently, while visiting my parent’s house, my aunt & uncle, were visiting as well. In one of our conversations, I was explaining the polyamorous philosophy to my uncle, with my aunt in earshot. My uncle began to nod, with a Cheshire cat grin. My aunt, not approving, sat down beside him & protectively said, “Don’t listen to a word she is saying.”

I went on to explain that I believed women were a disservice to their marriage, when they did not have sex with their partners at least every other day, considering men need to ejaculate in order to be healthy.

She became defensive saying, “You just don’t understand. Women’s hormones change, as they get older & sex is not as important.” I actually understood that completely. Frequently, hormones make the body change, such as not lubricating the vaginal wall sufficiently. Can you say bottle lubricants or blow jobs?

At this point, I wanted to know why she was being so defensive, considering the conversation had nothing to do with her personally. Obviously, I had hit a nerve. Her husband was quiet, but attentive on the couch facing me. He would lower his eyes, when my aunt looked at him.

In the end, my aunt diverted the conversation to basketball of all things. In my head I was thinking, “You sat here for at least 2 hours, watching TV, while you had many opportunities to discreetly fuck the brains out of your husband. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Let Go & Roll Away

2010-05-04T05:41:00.000-07:00

My mother’s best friend was recently in a motorcycle accident. Her bike was totaled, as were some of her body parts. In relaying her story to me, she said something very interesting. The police officer said that she survived the accident, because she let go of her bike. He said most bikers hold on to their bike even tighter, when they believe they are about to crash. However, you should not. Your chances of surviving the accident are greatly increased, if you let go & roll away.

The Perfect Barbie Doll

2010-05-04T05:33:00.000-07:00

When I worked in a professional dungeon, my favorite boys were the ones I could dress up like Barbie dolls. I loved to see their whole persona change, with each glide of a make-up brush. I loved how they could walk better on 6” stilettos than I ever would. I loved how they towered over me, yet still remained graceful. I loved how they adored me for accepting their kinks, without judgment. It’s wonderful to be adored by the perfect Barbie doll.

Cross Dressing Tip: If you want to walk like a girl, with a lower center of gravity, walk heel to toe. That position makes your hips pop out & lead, rather than your shoulders.

Probation & Cookies

2010-05-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

My attorney said he thinks I will be very entertaining for my probation officer. He said that many parole officers are underpaid state employees who have to deal with naughty people, who are disrespectful. Some parolees do not show up to their monthly meetings or are late. I have decided to bring cookies to my parole meetings. Cookies make everyone happy. Yeah cookies!

You think they will like these cookies?

Average price for one hour of sexual services in selected U.S. cities

2010-05-04T05:23:00.001-07:00

"Back away from the phone, Maw! "

2010-05-03T11:16:00.001-07:00

Last week, I taught my mother how to take pictures with her cell phone & send them to me. Big mistake! She has now sent me 276 pictures, including pictures of Wal-mart, my father driving, changing her grand-brats diapers, her furries, etc. I refuse to teach her how to make videos. Back away from the phone, Maw! Back away from the phone.

Rekindle Your Relationship

2010-05-03T11:14:00.001-07:00

Sometimes people are very in love, but have a hard time rekindling that sexual spark that brought them together in the first place. This can be a very difficult time for some, and many emotions flare up and change in an instant. Well, one of the most successful ways of rekindling sexual love in a relationship is by incorporating sex toys into your relationship.

Sex toys are very personal items, and sharing them with your partner is a great way of telling them, “I want only you to know my dirty little secret”. Not only that, but you and your partner sharing the most extreme orgasms and mental bliss will also help in firing up that flame.

Think of a vibrating love ring being a couples sex toy; the man wears it, and the woman feels it. Well, they both feel it, and together they will feel closer and will experience a more sensual, sexually heightened experience. After this great sexual encounter with someone you love, you mind will be at ease, you will be more calm, and all your worries will not matter at that one point in time.

Does that not sound nice? Well there are more examples of sex toys bringing back the love in a relationship. How about a vibrator? Arguably the most popular sex toy, and the first sex toy ever invented, the vibrator can also help bring a couple closer sexually. It all starts with a simple gift for her, from her loving partner. Give her a vibrator is a very sweet way of telling her that you are interested in trying something new to try and rekindle the sexual spark.

Let her ease into her new sex toy. Try it together at first, and don't be shy. Don't forget your lubrication, and have a private and calm yet exhilarating experience. Then the next morning, cook her breakfast. This is the cherry on top of the cake. This whole loving experience all together will show her how much she means to you, and will definitely help ignite your flame into a fireball!

These are only two ways of letting sex toys bring better orgasms, and more of them. Even if you wanted to go wild and get a strap on dildo to wear and tease each other with, or something small like a vibrating clit toy that you can use on her. Then every time she uses it, she will think of you!

Not matter how you do it, rekindling your relationship with sex toys is a very personal and intimidating thing. But this will turn into exciting and erotic with lots of love and respect in mind. Let her know you care about bringing back the wild sex you used to have, and get her a kinky little sex toy.

Or, why not try picking one out together. This is another great way of doing something together. Search through shops or websites, and pick something out together that both of you would like to try. Some great ideas for couples looking to rekindle their sex life would be a clit Flicker love ring, a secret stash of love gifts, a sexy little clit toy, or a wild pair of edible undies. These are just a few suggestions of products that would suit a couple well. For more ideas, or to pick out your own items, visit KinkyLizzy.com